Do you ever just sit outside at night, when it is super dark out and the stars are the only thing that you’re able to see, and you just break down and pray? When you literally are throwing your whole heart out there into the universe, destroying all emotions and just verbally giving it all to the sky, hoping that God or anyone is listening up there and will answer all of your questions about life, needs in the world, or concerns about Trump burning the world to the ground? No.. Just me? Okay, fine then, judge me all you want to, but that is what I do.
When I find myself in moments of weakness or when my anxiety is at its worst, I pray. Is there a higher power who is listening to me up there? I honestly can’t say for sure. I have my faith and hope so, considering I have it tattooed on my body, but no one can know for sure. Either way, I just believe in putting it out there to the universe and hoping that the positive vibes will be enough. I swear, this isn’t going to be a post about religion or trying to recruit you into joining a cult (even though the crazies in Scientology are always accepting applications!), this is just me telling a story about how God likes to toy with my emotions and make me laugh in the face of heartbreak.
I just went through a situation this week that I needed God to be on my side for. I was desperate for his guidance and understanding as to why I needed something to work out, just this one time in my life. I went outside Friday night and prayed my little heart out (And no, it wasn’t for the Penguins to win, even though I’m now thinking that’s why we lost game two). Anyways, in the process of it all, I poured my heart out, maybe shedding a tear or two, and I let go. I told Him it was now in his hands, I will trust his timing as to a sign whether it is right or wrong for me.
Saturday afternoon as I was driving home from my first big run of the year, I don’t know why, I left my run playlist on, which was chalked full of motivational songs. It just so happens that I caught the Fall Out Boy lyrics, “If I can get through this, I can get through anything..” and that’s when I got the text that life wasn’t going to go in my favor once again. Just like most of my plans in life, this one didn’t work out as I thought it was going to. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all, and yet, I knew I was going to be okay because God has a f*cked up sense of humor and told me right then and there I was going to be fine and get through it with Pete Wentz at my side.
I walked into the house, knowing the rest of the day was going to suck and that I needed an adult beverage, but once again, God had a “funny” joke up His sleeve. I come to find out that there are termites infesting the basement, screwing with a lot of my clothes and attempting to destroy my house. Of course, I can’t get a damn break. Once again, instead of getting my way with just getting to sit down and having a good cry with my dog, God and His f*cked up sense of humor, kept me busy taking my frustration out on murdering termites and cleaning up the wreckage. In hindsight, it was kind of the best worst distraction that I could have asked for in that moment. Damn it God, you’re good.
I never wished or prayed for this, because who would pray for bugs ever, but in the most f*cked up way possible, God was on my side. So life didn’t go according to my plan once again, shocker, but that is the thing about life. Most of the time it doesn’t, because there is something better in store or a better lesson to be learned. If our lives went the way we always wanted it to go, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate anything or even these little moments when you realize that someone upstairs is on your side and listening. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and see where life takes you. Most importantly, you have to appreciate God and all of His terrible jokes.
Lesson to be learned: Trust the timing of your life, because everything happens for a reason. While sometimes it can hurt like a bitch and make you question all of your faith, it is the best thing that you can do for yourself. I’m not telling you to take up a religion or to pray, but just to trust all of the doors that life has closed on you and know that something better is in store for you. Life has a funny, crazy way of working itself out, just trust that it will work itself out for you whenever the timing is right. Just take one day and one termite infestation at a time.
