You’ve probably heard of the “Nice Guy” before. He’s not like other men. He’s not a misogynist, but a gentleman. This man does things like opening doors for women, showing interest in her, and treating her like a woman deserves. He’s not very popular, but he’s a pure kind of guy, the perfect kind of boyfriend.
In a world full of toxic masculinity, the Nice Guy is a novelty. He’s everyone’s woman’s dream, right?
But here’s the truth: the “Nice Guy” doesn’t exist.
First and foremost, you have to wonder why a man would proclaim to be a Nice Guy, as if they’re in short supply. Yes, misogyny is a problem, but positioning yourself as a Nice Guy paints a rather bleak picture of the word. It implies that “nice guys” are the exception rather than the norm. That implies that a frightening large part of the population includes people who are jerks at best or will assault you at worst.
Then you have to look at these men themselves. What’s underneath the surface is much more sinister and not at all innocent. In fact, it’s actually toxic.
These men are only nice to women they want to date or sleep with (or both). They think women owed them sex simply because they act like decent people. And then get offended if women don’t reciprocate their feelings. They’ll claim that women “friendzone” them (which is a whole other issue on its own) and that “nice guys always finish last,” insisting that women like “bad boys” and men who treat women badly. But in reality, it’s the Nice Guy who treats women just as poorly, if not worse, than the men he “warns” them of.
The Nice Guy often bleeds into the self-proclaimed incel who insists women won’t sleep with him necause women treat “good men” terribly. It all leads back to male entitlement, one of the core beliefs of misogyny. Men think they deserve women as rewards for doing the bare minimum (or even less than that) and are baffled when they are rejected.
Nobody owes you sex or a relationship, not even a Nice Guy.
You can’t control how someone feels about you, and trying to is incredibly toxic. You can be upset if someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Everyone can feel their feelings. But what you can’t do, what you shouldn’t do, is project your own feelings onto other women, making them feel guilty for being honest about themselves and their wants and needs. Women are their own people. We have desires and ambitions like anyone else. So we can’t be forced to like anyone or anything, just like any other person. It comes down to realizing that women are individual people like everyone else, and that’s the end of the story.
Women, don’t feel bad for turning down a “nice guy.”
You don’t owe him or anyone else anything. Society makes you feel like you have to shed your desires or hide them or not voice them, that you exist only to serve men, but that’s frankly all bullshit. You know yourself best. Trust your intuition and lead the life you know is best for you.
And remember: You’re worth so much more than what a so-called Nice Guy could ever offer you.
