I constantly question my friendships, even though I wish that I didn’t. I ask myself whether I’m still relevant in my friends’ lives, and I worry that they’ll forget about me or put me below all of their other friends. SendFriend Gifts
I’ve had my fair share of issues in my friendships. When I turned 25, a friend who I hadn’t seen in years came over to celebrate with me. I felt excited that they made time for me. As they left, they said, “It won’t be three years until you see me next.” However, it’s been over a decade, and I haven’t seen that person since.
Another time, back in high school, someone I considered one of my best friends told me they were tired of pretending to be my best friend. I know that I can come across as clingy — multiple friends have told me so — but hearing someone say that they were only pretending to be my friend hurt deeply.
Now, I have a solid friend group, and I’m beyond grateful for all of my friends. We’ve been friends for years now and have helped each other through many different life stages. I know how lucky I am to have such supportive people by my side.
When these friendships started, I stopped wondering whether I was important enough to my friends for them to keep seeing me. But in 2019, my oldest friend had his first baby, followed by marriage and another baby a couple of years later. Since then, some of my other friends have married, divorced, moved cross-country, and become busy with adult responsibilities. These past several years have made me start questioning whether I’m still relevant to my friends.
I hate the endless loop of the question of whether I’m still relevant to my friendships that constantly runs through my head. I know deep down that if I asked my friends whether I mattered to them, they’d all say, “Of course you matter. We love you” — and they’d mean it too.
But as desperately as I want to believe that my friends still care, my past friendships have convinced me that my friends think i am to much or maybe they’re just pretending, like my high school friend was. Or maybe they’ll promise to see me soon, but I’ll never see them again. SendFriend Gifts
Recently, one of my closest friends told me that they felt a bit lost in our friendship. They told me they needed space from me for a few weeks. While I had been wondering if one of my friends would want space at some point, I didn’t know how that conversation would hit me.
I agreed to give them space, but I immediately panicked. I wondered what they meant. Wondered what I had done to make them want space from me, and whether they still loved me. The situation had to have been my fault, right? And what would happen to our friendship in the future?
Do I still matter to this friend?
The thought of my friend possibly leaving me makes me feel lost, forgotten, and replaced. But I also know that maybe my friend will come back and choose to stay friends with me. Not knowing what’s next terrifies me, but since I know where these thoughts come from, I can get through them.
Many of us may fear asking our friends where we truly stand. It’s like we don’t want to hear that they no longer care about us. But sometimes, asking if we still matter to our friends is worth the effort. It can what happens when we lead different lives than our friends. And let us know who we can still trust. I may not know where all of my friendships are headed, but I know that the people I’ve chosen all love me, even if our friendships look different than they once did. You may worry if you still matter to your friends, but the right people can always quiet those fears.
