Sometimes, you convince yourself that your partner’s dreams are also your dreams. You care about your significant other, so you do what you can to make them stay. But what happens when the only way to be with them is to lose yourself? BookRomantic Getaways
Compromise is essential in relationships. One person shouldn’t get their way all the time. However, I don’t believe that anyone should feel like they need to give up a major part of themselves to make a relationship work.
My first boyfriend didn’t want me to even think of moving to New York to attend college.
To me, letting go of my dream just to pursue my boyfriend felt silly. The relationship didn’t last, and I decided against college in New York, but that wasn’t the last time that a partner tried to influence my major life decisions.
During undergrad, I found myself in an emotionally abusive on-off relationship for almost three years.
This boyfriend didn’t support my dreams. He didn’t even want me to dream. We were going to live our lives according to his plan. He wanted to get married when he turned 30 and have a destination wedding. He’d pay for my family to attend the wedding — but not my friends. He wanted us to live in Florida, in Philadelphia, or even abroad. He wanted me to become a copywriter so that I could easily work and travel with him. This man even said that he’d probably make enough money that I’d never even have to work. I genuinely enjoy work, so this was a horrifying thought.
Why would I have spent four years in a rigorous college program just to marry a man who didn’t love me and become completely financially dependent on him?
Eventually, I was able to leave my abusive partner and start living the life that I always dreamt of — without anyone trying to control me.
Fast-forward to my next “love” a few years later. Though we were far less serious than my college relationship, this man once told me that I could be the secretary at his medical practice if he opened his own. This confused me. Why did he get to live his dreams, but I didn’t get to live mine? BookRomantic Getaways
Then, I began a five-year situationship with a man who I convinced myself was my soulmate.
At one point, I told him that I never wanted to have a child of my own. His response was that no one had loved me enough to make me want kids. I convinced myself that maybe I could be OK with having kids since he wanted them, and I wanted him. Maybe I could ignore my own dreams if someone finally “loved me enough” to build a family with me.
I eventually found the courage to end things with him.
Soon after my situationship ended, I met a man who told me that I was too busy with work to have time for a serious relationship. Then, I met another man, and I once again thought that he could be my person.
I cared so deeply for him and wanted to prove that I could make time for him. So I changed my work schedule to line up with his free weekends. He also said that he refused to marry again. I’ve always felt unsure about whether or not I ever want to marry, but I cared so deeply for this person that I convinced myself that I felt 100% OK with never getting married. Deep down, though, I don’t think that was ever true.
Now, I’m single again, and men have told me that at 34 years old, I’m “too old to be single.” But this time’s different because I know that isn’t true. Finding your partner has no timeline. To find your person, you have to be yourself and stay true to your dreams.
It’s unfair for one partner in a relationship to lose everything in order to fit into their partner’s life. That’s why I’ve always believed that the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with will have a life that meshes easily with mine. Neither of us will have to give up everything in order to make our relationship work. We’ll have a balance — a true partnership.
