In the oxytocin-induced haze of the first few months of a relationship, it’s too easy to turn a blind eye to potential spousal red flags: the casual nagging, the questionable behaviours or requests. After all, this person makes you laugh and tells you you’re beautiful. What more could a lady want, right?
Or maybe you’re in a marriage or long-term partnership and, despite all the things you love about them, you still have nagging suspicions about a few troubling tendencies. If a husband does any of the following things, it may be one of the silent reasons wives lose feelings for them.
Here are silent reasons wives lose feelings for their husbands:
1. He asks his wife to change
It’s natural to want your husband to think you’re attractive, but when he decides that you, a curvy Ashley Graham type, would be prettier with a Kate Moss body, that’s not right. And your significant other should never, ever encourage elective surgery.
One Seattle-based gynaecologist, who preferred to remain anonymous, has seen patients whose partners have tried to pressure them into everything. “I don’t perform any of these procedures anyway,” she says, “and I always try to steer them away from them if they’re for purely aesthetic reasons.”
If you’ve always wanted to be blonde in the first place, that’s fine, but someone who loves you isn’t going to insist you artificially dye your hair to suit him.
2. He cuts off his wife from her friends or family
A husband who’s always finding fault with your friends or trying to distance you from your family may be setting you up for a fall. People like this will get resentful of everything from the time you spent helping your sister plan her wedding to a night out with coworkers.
Getting a tiny bit pouty that your last boyfriend was a multi-millionaire and a dead ringer for Alexander Skarsgaard is one thing (aka, only human), anything more than that could be a clue that he’s too controlling. “Jealousy is not cute, it’s a warning,” says Catia Harrington, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York.
3. He invades his wife’s privacy
Invading your privacy is not only annoying, but it’s also a form of control, and it can quickly escalate, says Harrington.
She has counseled patients with husbands who have locked down their lover’s bank accounts, hacked into their emails, and have ultimately gotten physically abusive. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking, ‘It’s just because he/she loves me so much!'” she warns.
According to a 2023 study, a partner demanding complete access to your privacy is considered a red flag because it signifies a potential for controlling behavior and a lack of respect for your boundaries. It can also be a sign of underlying insecurity or possessiveness, which are unhealthy dynamics in a relationship.
4. He tells his wife to ‘get over’ traumatic or upsetting experiences
Maybe it’s as minor as getting teary-eyed about a conversation with a coworker, or as major as going into a panic attack when recalling an assault from your past. A good partner is supportive and comforting when you need him to be.
“It’s a red flag if your husband asks you to get over your traumatic experience,” Laureano says. “Healing takes time, and someone who wants to experience you at your most powerful needs to make space and support your healing process.”
5. He doesn’t respect his wife’s boundaries
Whether it’s pushing you to make an extravagant purchase you can’t afford or insisting on skydiving when you’re deathly afraid of heights, Laureano says your partner should never force you to push a boundary that you feel strongly about. “If you were clear that you did not want to have a particular experience, ignoring your ‘no’ or boundary is moving toward manipulation and coercion,” she stresses.
A partner persistently asking you to break your set boundaries is a red flag because it indicates a lack of respect for your needs, personal space, and overall autonomy. 2022 research explained that this could lead to an unhealthy power dynamic and emotional manipulation within the relationship.
6. He makes his wife feel bad about herself
“A good relationship should make you feel confident, loved, and supported,” says Harrington. It’s part of your significant other’s job description.
“If your partner makes you feel insecure or ‘less than,’ get out!” she warns. “This person may be laying the groundwork for an abusive relationship, or they may just be a jerk, but regardless, you don’t need that in your life.”
