Your Guide to Being a Good Friend

KEY POINTS

• When was the last time you asked yourself, “Am I a good friend?”
• Remind your friends that you’re there for them, even if you’ve been a little quiet lately.
• Be a good listener. Sometimes your friends just need someone to be there for them without jumping in with too much advice.

We spend a lot of time analyzing and investing in our romantic relationships, and couples counseling keeps growing in popularity.

Equally, we make sure our professional ones are working, because let’s face it, they’re pretty important for our careers. But what about the relationships that are some of the most fulfilling ones for our souls? What about our friendships?

A friendship is often described as platonic—though that word really doesn’t do it justice. Sure, we have different levels of intensity in our friendships, but the ones that most matter to us surely deserve some attention. When was the last time you asked yourself, “Am I a good friend?”

Sometimes, that question isn’t necessary because everything seems to happen naturally and in perfect flow.

Maybe you live in the same neighborhood and bump into each other daily. Maybe you work together with your best friends and have a great day at work every day because of that. Maybe you’ve been seeing each other a lot lately as you’ve been helping each other through similar challenges.

Other times, it might be a good idea to check in with that question. Not because you think you’ve been a bad friend, but because you want to make sure your friends know you’re there for them.

Maybe you live hundreds or thousands of miles apart and have forgotten to pick up the phone to keep that soulful connection alive. Maybe you’ve just gotten a little overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of life, and any moment of calm you’ve had, you’ve wanted to spend on your own.

Whatever the situation you’re in, it’s OK. It’s life; it goes up and down, and left and right.

Still, it’s good to remind yourself what makes you a good friend so that you can remind them that you care for them, even if you’ve been a little quiet lately. Here is how:

1. Make time to connect with your friends.

Not through Instagram or email but real face-to-face interactions (or video calls if they’re far away). We all live busy lives, but if you want to keep your friendships alive, you need to invest some time and energy into them. You know that whatever you put in, you will get back in hundreds.

2. Share intimate thoughts and feelings with them.

Being transparent and real is what makes your friendships so special. You love how your friends share their deepest secrets and biggest dreams with you, and they love you doing the same, too. This is what brings you closer together and builds bonds for life.

3. Be a good listener.

Sometimes your friends just need someone to listen to what they have to say. Perhaps they just need to vent to get the negativity out of their system, or maybe they need to talk out loud to work through a challenge they have. Don’t rush in with too much advice unless they ask for it. First and foremost, listen to them and be there for them.

4. Express admiration and appreciation toward them.

Be there for their successes as much as you are there for their setbacks. Celebrate their achievements with them and tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them how much it means to you to have them in your life.

5. Hug.

When you do see your friends in real life, don’t be shy to hug (and the longer, the better!). The science is there to show that hugs increase your happiness and health, but also your connectedness to others. So hug, hug, and hug again!