Who should be older in a relationship, the man or woman?

The age issue in relationships comes with a level of anxiety with some spouses having to face and deal with the inner fears that make them uncomfortable about their partner’s age.

In some instances, couples have overcome this barrier of age and gone ahead to marry the one they love.

Dr Elena Touroni is of the opinion, many cultures do not consider it acceptable to fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you. Many people argue that older spouses—particularly men, can be overly possessive and jealous. The other argument is that older spouses are already set in their ways and carry a lot of baggage.

On a cultural side, couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows among friends, parents and peers.

Whatever the case, such realities of age must be confronted and not just wished away. When we are open to entering a relationship with someone 10-15 years our junior or senior, then such a reality must be confronted by an informed mind of the benefits and disadvantages of age in a relationship.

The key question then is, does age matter? Will a relationship with a large age gap experience poorer or better connection compared to a couple with the same age?

The answer is neither here nor there.

Generally, men tend to marry women who are younger than them for a variety of reasons. For some, they don’t want to be in a house with a wife who had aged while they still feel young and energetic.

For others, it is the pressure they get from friends to marry a woman who is younger than them. When age in marriage becomes a cultural discussion, the couple is most likely going to be controlled by their cultural view which could destabilise the relationship. Friends, parents or relatives should not be allowed to totally dictate one’s choice of who to marry.

What matters then, when it comes to choosing a partner? While beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, the values that the partner holds and espouses override any physical attractions they may have.

As such, in marriage, reason must override feelings, particularly where outward attributes cloud the inner beauty. So, while age may bother some, it is not a determinant of inner convictions and character.

Therefore, no matter who is younger, the big discussion here should start with why I think this person will be a good companion. What makes us compatible? For me, although age is key, it does not score high among the factors and qualities of a great relationship.

Of course, it may appear I have not given you a yes or no answer. However, I would like you to reason through the real qualities that make relationships work. When it comes to age, the kind of spouse you would want to have with you when you are old. Would you want a partner that is the same age, younger, or older?

Will their age make it appear as if they live with their dad and not their husband? That said, you can actually marry anyone so long as the hard questions have received answers.

Although this is not what your question is about, when it comes to underage marriages, it is illegal and criminal to do this.