When to walk away: How to tell if you’re forcing a relationship
Sometimes we want to be in a relationship so badly that we stay with someone we aren’t really interested in. There is so much pressure to find your person that often we will attach ourselves to the first person who comes our way just so we are not alone.
But being with someone you don’t have real feelings for can often be worse than being alone. And if the other person falls for you, but you’re only pretending to like them, you risk deeply hurting them.
So how do you know when it’s a real connection? If you aren’t feeling butterflies every time they are around, does that mean you don’t actually like them?
Here’s how to tell if you are forcing a connection with someone:
1. You’re Not Excited to See Them
I know that sounds a bit cold, but what I’ve noticed when I’ve been going out with people I’m not 100% feeling a connection with is that I am pretty indifferent about whether I see them or not. If you go out with someone and all you feel is indifference about whether or not you see them again, you should walk away before you get yourself in any deeper.
Though I do believe that romantic feelings can take time to develop, I think we all know after spending time with someone whether or not that is someone we truly want to spend more time with again. If you’re fine with either seeing them again or not, chances are, you’re really not that interested. And if they’re so excited to see you, and you’re only going out with them so you can have someone to go out with, that is entirely unfair and hurtful to that person. You have to remember that there is another person in these situations; it is not just all about you.
One of the worst dating experiences I’ve had was when someone I’d been seeing for over four years told me they hadn’t liked me for the past six months. It is devastating to find out after all of that time that someone you love no longer loves you. Do not be that person to someone else if you know early on that they are not the one.
2. You Feel Upset After Seeing Them
Each time you see someone isn’t guaranteed to be the best time of your life, but if someone you are dating is consistently making you upset, then they are not the one for you. When you spend time with someone you have a true connection with, they should make you feel happy more often than any negative emotion. If every time you leave a date with someone, you’re sad or angry, you need to walk away from them.
Yes, being lonely is not a great feeling, but being with the wrong person is even worse. All of the wonderful dates someone is taking you on are not worth it if that person only makes you feel bad about yourself. If they are constantly criticizing you and being judgmental of your interests and life choices, they are not the one for you. Your soulmate should make you feel supported, appreciated, and loved.
The right person won’t make you cry after every date. The right person will like you just as you are.
3. Your Gut Is Saying No
“Listen to your gut” is some of the best advice out there. If your gut is screaming no whenever you make plans with someone, then you need to walk away. The thought of spending time with someone shouldn’t leave you with extreme anxiety if you’ve been seeing them for a long period of time already. Being nervous when you don’t know someone well is one thing, but being completely consumed with anxiety when you have to go out with someone you are supposed to be interested in is not. I believe that our body often knows what is best for us before our hearts do, and if your body reacts negatively to someone, pay attention to it. There’s a reason why you feel sick when they are around or you flinch when they touch you. Those are not normal reactions to someone you’re truly connected with and who is truly connected with you.
Is it really worth having someone if part of having them is dealing with unbelievable pain?