The beginning of a new year brings more than just celebrations — it often also brings lengthy recaps of accomplishments and milestones from the previous year.
Some years, we can check off every resolution that we made in January, while others, we fall short of our goals and feel like we’re “behind” where we “should” be.
Once everyone has posted their end-of-the-year recaps, our feelings of inadequacy can become particularly difficult to cope with. You may feel like every time you scroll through your newsfeed, you see at least 10 posts about promotions, new homes, and new relationships. When you can’t check off those milestones yourself, you may feel “behind” in life.
I often find myself wondering if I’m a “failure” because my life doesn’t look the way that I once expected it to.
I sometimes look at my friends’ lives and I wonder where I went wrong. When will my career become as successful as theirs? When will I have my own apartment? Will I finally achieve financial freedom? How can I have fallen this far behind everyone else I know?
If you find yourself having these same thoughts as the year wraps up, l know that you aren’t alone.
The world looks vastly different than what we expected as children. This is not the same future that adults told us was possible back in the ’90s and early 2000s. We currently live in a time of confusion, fear, and rapid change. No one could have predicted these challenges, so we need to learn to be gentle with ourselves in these unforeseen circumstances.
When you start feeling like you’re “behind” in life, work as hard as you can to stop the comparisons.
If we want to find happiness, this comparison game has to end. After all, the way our friends portray their lives on social media doesn’t reflect reality. No one shows all of their difficult, embarrassing, dull, or depressing moments, especially at the end of the year. Even when others address their challenges on social media, they’re still curating their pain.
After you remind yourself of the realities of these social media posts, take time to understand why you feel inadequate. Did you write yourself a list of goals years ago that no longer fits the life that you currently live? Did you start a relationship with someone and then realize that they aren’t your forever person? And did your family pressure you to follow a path that isn’t right for you? Many of us follow imaginary checklists that don’t always lead to happy lives. Some people find happiness in achieving “traditional” milestones, but many of us will find fulfillment when we take life at our own pace.
You’re only “behind” in life if you tell yourself that you are.
No two people’s lives unfold in the same way, so we can’t act like we can all hit life milestones at the same time. Maybe your dream life looks nothing like the life that society tells you that you should want. Maybe where you are now in life is ultimately the best place for you to be.
Give yourself credit for surviving the hard times this year. In a society that constantly bombards us with ways to improve ourselves and accomplish our goals, being proud of our survival is a radical act, a model of self-compassion.
As you see others sharing their successes, remember that you achieved everything that you needed to this year. Even if you fell short of some of your goals, you’re headed into another year, and you still have plenty of time to achieve your wildest dreams.
