The Womanising “Christian”: A Self-Inflicted Misery Lane

The Cambridge Dictionary defines a womanizer as a man who often has temporary sexual relationships with women or tries to get women to have sex with him. I won’t be surprised if you are probably wondering how the above definition can have anything to do with Christianity as the title appears to suggest. I am also with you but for now, hold your peace and take a walk with me as we go through the write-up. A Christian is someone who has surrendered his or her life to the Lord Jesus Christ and living according to His word. Unfortunately, some men claim to have accepted the Lord Jesus as their saviour but still indulge in this old lifestyle of theirs. Strangely, other believers who even didn’t have such past experiences have also veered into that slippery lane and have become full-time womanizers.

Many reasons have been given by both the victims and culprits in the womanizing venture to absorb them from any condemnation. Some men have also tried sweeping the phenomena of womanizing under the carpets by calling it names such as a mere weakness they may have to manage and live with until the return of Christ. The objective of the article is to outline some of the reasons womanizers give for indulging in such acts and reflects them in the mirror of God’s word to ascertain their merits. The write-up looks at men who engage in sexual acts with women other than their duly married wives. It also attempts to highlight some of the unimaginable miseries accompanying the act of womanizing as a lesson for Christian men who have taken one step down that lane. Although focused on men, I believe both sexes can glean lessons from the write-up and also use it to help others. Our sisters must, however, watch out for the flip side of this article titled, “The strange Woman in Worship” in my next episode.

Generally speaking, the traits of womanizing which is fundamentally lust derive their strength from the fallen nature of humankind or the Adamic seed of sin. It can, therefore, be concluded that until Christ begins to rule one’s heart, every man born of a woman is predisposed to the act of sniffing for other women beyond their legally procured partners. Lust only seeks to magnify the ecstasy of orgasm in one’s mind by exaggerating the end benefits before the act of fornication. Soon afterwards, the reality sets in to realize it was just hype of a promised excitement attached with loads of disappointments, regrets, anguish, loss of appeal and hatred just to mention a few. One wonders whatever came over King David’s son Amnon to manoeuvre his way through all the odds even to the point of feigning sickness to have an affair with his sister Tamar. Just after the act, his hatred for her got aroused. “Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!… He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her...” (2 Samuel 13:15-18).

Environmental factors, one’s upbringing and associates, Socio-Economic status in society as well as fame are usually the fertilizers that help the Adamic seed of lust to germinate and blossom. After accepting and surrendering to Christ, one is expected to put on the new nature and do away with the old. 2 Corinthians 5:18 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” However, some Christian men appear to be still struggling with womanizing. They are still hiding and indulging in it because they view it as something they must manage and live with. Reasons some believers have given for their inability to close their zips to other women other than their wives are as discussed below;

 

A. Ancestral Curse:

Some will like society to excuse them for following any woman they so chance upon due to their family history. They insist the spirit of womanizing resides right in their ancestry and can, therefore, do very little to extricate themselves from its yoke. They keep a tall list of their great grandparents and Uncles who were terrible in the venture of womanizing and are even thankful theirs is relatively milder. Yes, curses and evil altars exist but blessings and God’s redemptive power is equally real. The act of believing and surrendering one’s life to Christ is what energizes and puts him on higher ground to say no to handling any overbearing baton of lust being passed from one generation to the other. The Lord Jesus took all such yokes and burdens the devil placed on humankind to the cross because He was made to symbolize all of that. His precarious death and subsequent resurrection on the third day assure victory over every form of enslavement for all who genuinely subscribe to His Kingdom. There can, therefore, be no sustainable session of deliverance for those who are not ready and willing to stop following women. In Matthew 12:43-45, “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first…” We must, therefore, not be surprised by the phenomenon where some who once underwent exorcism and got their freedom from lust at times become worse exhibiting hyper levels of it after some time. It is not a mystery. The above scripture has explained this to the lack of determination from an individual to close that chapter in his life after being set free by the resurrection power. Maintaining a spiritually hygienic heart that repels all lustful tendencies is, therefore, key and the responsibility of all who surrender to Christ and not that of the devil or God. Saturating your heart with feed from the toxins of certain sites on social media or the media landscape is tantamount to garnishing your heart to invite more sophisticated agents of lust into your bosom. Blaming, therefore, your ancestors afterwards for your inability to refrain from womanizing is not tenable.

B. Influence of demonic forces or women possessed by evil spirits:

Others also blame their womanizing escapades on demonic forces, evil spirits or charms their unsuspecting victims used on them. They argue vociferously that they wouldn’t have denied Christ if not for the influence and evil spell they succumbed to. Some also have testimonies of a certain food they ate and looks from the opposite sex that bound all their senses as though they had been hypnotized to the slaughterhouse. No one denies the possibility of the influences of the spirit world on such matters. Indeed, the Bible even attest to such wicked tendencies of the forces of this dark world. Perhaps, what these group who often front such arguments fail to realize is their indirect exaltation and magnification of the devil’s power over that of God who is rather the Omnipotent. What do you think must happen when a lady infested with a seductive spirit or charm encounters a Holy Spirit-filled Christian in a possible showdown of powers? In 1 Samuel 5:2-5, the Philistines captured the Ark of the Covenant and placed it in the same room with Dagon their god for safe keep in a battle with Israel. The next day, Dagon had fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord. The people of Ashdod who were the stewards at Dagon’s temple took Dagon and put him back in his place for a second-round bout. The following morning, there was Dagon, fallen again on his face on the ground before the ark, but this time his head and hands had broken off his body. The Ark of the Lord carried the very presence of God because in it was God’s word given to Moses according to 2 Chronicles 5:10. There is, therefore, bound to be a knockout anytime evil spirits attempt to meander their ways and flex their muscles around a Spirit-filled Christian. Believers who carelessly walk on the path of the strange woman and get entangled but turn around to testify about the mystical powers of such women are a complete insult to Grace. Falling prostrated under a demonic charm of a slay Queen indicates the ruler of one’s heart. The Spirit of God does not bow to evil forces so, kindly check your heart and find out whether the Self or another spirit hasn’t captured your entire being. If so, quickly take the necessary steps to enthrone Christ in your heart else the future will be miserably terrible because you won’t have any demon to cross-examine on the judgment day for masterminding your downfall.

C. Too handsome to behold or one’s physical appearance:

One’s appearance and physic are fundamentally God-given since He is the creator. Besides, certain physical features are mostly inherited from our parents with very little work done to attain them. Unfortunately, some believers use those God-given looks to chase women but turn around to argue that they are rather being pestered by women day and night. Using your God-made features to glorify and patronize the devil by following women is a stab in the back. Proverbs 31:2-3 says, “Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb! Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers! Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.” Handsome Joseph served as a slave in Potiphar’s house. Under all the circumstances he found himself, he resisted Mrs Potiphar as much as she persisted to have an affair with him. In Genesis 39:6-10, “ Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while, his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!… How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her.” Remember scripture makes it clear that the woman persisted for a while until she found an opportune time to pounce on him on that fateful day. Joseph triumphed in that crucial and destiny-changing encounter with God’s help because he firmly decided not to sleep with someone he wasn’t married to. Unlike our dispensation, the Old Testament Patriarchs did not have the benefit of the permanent indwelling of the Holy Spirit. If Joseph who was not a tongues-speaking child of God chose to rather glorify God with his good looks, then Mr Christian handsome gentleman, you have no excuse but to wake up from where you have fallen and stand tall for God rather than women.

 

D. The norm associated with wealth, fame or brilliance in a talent given by God:

Some Christians also posit that they were fine in their relationship with God until they started enjoying God’s abundant blessings in their businesses. They argue that the sudden change in their social status financially is what exposed them to womanizing. Even though they claim to have an unwavering faith in Christ, their newly found business partners and trips coupled with customer care relationships make it difficult to keep their spouses alone. As though God made a mistake in blessing them, they would do everything to support their churches with their resources but still, manage to keep one or two concubines undercover. How fair is it to flaunt cash and goodies around vulnerable young ladies to draw them closer and then turn around to complain women are following you because of your money? It is said that women admire and are easily attracted to people with fame or men who trend for excelling in one talent or the other are often spoken about. So, what is God’s mistake in empowering and enabling us to excel in our fields of endeavour? Why do we take advantage of people’s admiration for the brilliance we display to sleep with them? Some Bible-believing sportsmen, politicians, academicians, media show hosts, Gospel musicians, instrumentalists and unfortunately ministers of the Gospel have proven to be bad stewards of the little fame God brought along their path. They wouldn’t just spare any unsuspecting poor girl who consciously or unconsciously cross their path. Yet they argue that their inability to put a stop to that sinful lifestyle is a result of their fame or popularity and not their fault. What they forget is that Abraham through to the Prophets right down to the Apostles of Christ and the Pauls and Timothys that followed were all people who glorified God with their wealth, fame and brilliance in their respective fields of endeavour.

When Samson a Nazarite by birth, began loving strange women, I am sure he thought it was normal and some of the freebies associated with famous and celebrated men. More so when his strength and anointing were always evident at all times of his choosing. Little did he know that he’d begun shaking the foundation of the source of his sustenance. He first loved the Timnite (Judges 14:1-6) who tricked him first to get classified information from him, then he took a harlot and was nearly locked up in the city (16:1-2). In verse (3), he got away with that one too. Then in the verse (4) he loved another woman called Delilah who finally brought his downfall. Entertaining any “Delilah” amounts to playing romance with your life. Be sure that the graveyard has wide opened her mouth awaiting you. If you don’t repent from following and loving women and you finally meet the Delilah of your life, you’ll behave like a hypnotised man entertaining and answering questions as to how best you can easily be killed.

Mr “Christian” womaniser, you’re probably at your yield or breaking point. If you don’t stop and repent, “Delilah”, the destroyer and killer of dreams is already at your doorstep. Blessed are those who can sense her subtle footsteps and shut the door at her. The “Philistine” women (ie. girlfriends) only come around to fetch for the source of your strength and under all sorts of influence reduce you to an ordinary man for your destruction. So, be alert and don’t lose your guard.

• Economic challenges and scholarship from some women: Some wealthy women for reasons best known to them at times offer juicy financial packages to some men as long as they accept to keep an amorous relationship with them. Men usually refer to this as having been given a scholarship by a lady or keeping a “sugar” mummy. Hardships and Economic challenges are real in our world today. It is, therefore, not unusual to chance upon unemployed or financially handicapped Christian men seeking one help or the other. Patronizing the services of a “sugar” mummy for economic reasons is a deliberate decision made by a man to reap where he has not sown. The prescribed mode for making earns meet from Adam to today is trusting God to bless the work of one’s hands and not picketing around wealthy women and doing their bidding. As discussed earlier, Joseph turned down Mrs Potiphar’s scholarship even though that could have earned him some additional income and succulent meals with better care but still as a slave in Potiphar’s house. In the end, however, Joseph was crowned the second in command only to Pharaoh in the whole Land of Egypt. “So Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.” Then Pharaoh took his signet ring from his finger and put it on Joseph’s finger. He dressed him in robes of fine linen and put a gold chain around his neck. He had him ride in a chariot as his second-in-command, and people shouted before him, “Make way!” Thus he put him in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I am Pharaoh, but without your word, no one will lift hand or foot in all Egypt.” Pharaoh gave Joseph the name Zaphenath-Paneah and gave him Asenath daughter of Potiphera, priest of On, to be his wife. And Joseph went throughout the land of Egypt (Genesis 41:41-45). Can you for a moment imagine where Mrs Potiphar would be standing during the above colourful coronation of Prime Minister Joseph Zaphenath-Paneah? When children of God reject scholarships and juicy offers to sin, God doesn’t just promote them, He lifts them to unimaginable heights to His glory. My honourable gentleman, your future is brighter and more glorious than that of the lady offering you that scholarship or Economic bailout.  The real content of their scholarship package can be found in  Proverbs 2:19. It reads, “ Surely her house leads down to death and her path to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life. So, Apostle Paul was right when he exclaimed in Romans 8:35 saying, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No Bible-believing Christian, therefore, has any excuse to apply and accept a scholarship from a woman to sin.
• Provocative dressing by ladies of today: I have also heard some Christians blaming provocative attires some women wear for their instability and loss of balance in the faith. They opined that until the Christian fraternity and leadership speak against and weed out provocative dressing by ladies, it would be difficult for them to also turn a blind eye to them. Even in the Bible days, there were the phenomena of provocative dressing by some women (Proverbs 7:10). Provocative dressing, therefore, is never a thing of today and is neither going to cease tomorrow. Why and how must one tie the joy of serving his God to the way and manner another person decides to dress from her cottage? And even if that lady is indeed offering “something” for sale or is determined to cause chaos to her male onlookers, has she called you? Is that not why Jesus said He would not leave us alone but send us the comforter in the person of the Holy Spirit which He did? Besides leading us unto all truths, the Holy Spirit is also in us as believers to provoke us unto good works anytime we find ourselves in an environment polluted and radiating lustful thoughts. No one can run away from the incidences of provocative dressing because if you manage to out-rule it in your household, you will meet it at your workplace or the marketplace. You will not be done yet if you scale through that as well because you may meet one head-on in your church or fellowship gatherings. Knowing very well we do not control what others decide to put on, Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Even before the advent of Christ, Job proved that men could exercise self-control no matter the level of provocative outfits they chance upon. According to Job 31:1, Job, during his lifetime, made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. Have you also made that resolution? It is worth noting that Job wasn’t a Prophet or Priest, he was only a wealthy upright child of God. There is, therefore, no justification for following women whose outfit appears inviting.
• Acceptance as one’s weakness or shortcoming: Others see womanizing as their weakness and have thus, accepted to manage and live with it till thy Kingdom comes. King David expressed his utter disgust and regret in the few outlined sins he fell into when God reprimanded him through the Prophets. On most occasions, he used phrases such as, “I have acted foolishly”  and not “I have fallen into my shortcoming” when he was confronted. On one of those occasions, he told God in 1 Chronicles 21:8, “I have sinned greatly by doing this. Now, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.” That is what repentance is all about. King Saul on the other hand would reply to Prophet Samuel, “When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did not come at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling at Mikmash, I thought, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the LORD’s favor. So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering.” (1 Samuel 13:11-12). That probably made the difference between King David and his onetime Boss, King Saul who will give excuses for his inactions anytime he was reprimanded by Samuel. Salvation indeed begins with repentance from dead works with all of its inherent weaknesses. The good news is that the resurrection power living in believers neither knows nor accepts weaknesses of any kind. After accepting Christ, one is empowered by the Holy Spirit to put aside entirely the Adamic nature and showcase the victory of Christ over the weaknesses of the old self. The acceptance of womanizing as a weakness to live with is like accepting the practice of serving other gods as one’s shortcomings after surrendering to Christ. If the latter is to be outrightly frowned upon as alien to the faith, then the former is equally reprehensible and unacceptable. Moreover, a person born of God cannot say practising sin is his weakness (1 John 5:18). The Lord Jesus outlined the shortcomings of five out of the seven churches for them to repent from them so they are not disappointed on the last day. Weaknesses are, therefore, supposed to be worked upon with all seriousness and not nursed to live with. Admitting womanizing as a weakness is, therefore, problematic and inconsistent with the Spirit of Grace. It is, therefore, not a light thing to view it as a weakness, shortcoming or inaction.
• The Loss of sexual appeal with one’s partner (i.e the married men): Then comes that societal and culturally accepted norm that men were programmed to have multiple sexual partners. Unfortunately, most women have been made to accept this blatant lie by the devil who was nowhere close when God was forming Adam. Per His design, God the creator of man has said unequivocally in several passages both in plain words and in Proverbs that one woman is more than enough to suffice all the physiological needs of all men who choose to marry. In Mark 10:6, He said, “In the beginning, God made them male and female (i.e one male to one female). And in Proverbs 5:15, He said, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.”. It stands to reason that if your wife isn’t enough for you, then any other addition won’t fill that self-inflicted vacuum you have created and continually nurtured. King Solomon would testify after all the multiple wives and concubines that it is all vanity and a complete miserable assignment to undertake during one’s lifetime. It is sheer lust which is a fruit of the flesh and not a malignant tumour attached to the unmarried. Marriage can, therefore, not be a vaccine or antidote for those burning with lust. Christian married men still following other women must, therefore, deal decisively with the problem of lust and stop disturbing their partners with weight, body, colour, education, hairstyles and all sorts of enhancements kits. The fundamental problem is you and not your wife. So, fix it before it’s too late.
• Misinterpretation of the doctrine of God’s mercies, Love and Grace: God is undoubtedly merciful, Love and full of Grace. Indeed, Psalm 136 says His mercies endure forever. It is for this reason that while we were yet sinners Christ still came to die for us (Romans 5:8). Some believers have, therefore, overstretched this attribute of God to mean He countenances sinful lifestyles by His born-again children. God is seen by them as an old and weak bearded old man who’s always standing and waiting for them to come and confess their willful and carefully planned sins so He forgives them. If not so, how can a Bible-believing child of God break loose sleeping with women all around just because of His abundant grace through Christ Jesus? Is it not strange that even at the point of confessing to God an act of fornication, there is a newly spotted unsuspecting victim on their radar being worked upon? To them, God’s forgiveness is just a confession with the mouth away. I am afraid that cannot be genuine repentance that attracts God’s mercies. It is just an exploitation of a defective understanding of the mystery of Grace and God’s love under the guise of the depraved nature of humankind. A Christian cannot carefully plan ahead of time to meet ladies he is not married to at certain joints to sleep with the hope of being forgiven by God as often as requested. Ironically, the same Grace they claim to be subscribing to is what teaches us to say no to womanizing (Titus 2:11-14). So, one wonders the kind of Grace they mostly refer to. Besides, Hebrews 10:26 says, “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.”

From the above discussion, there can be no Biblical, Spiritual, Socio-Economical or Physiological merit in the venture of womanizing. You will also realize from the above graphical illustrations that unlike most phenomena of life with cost-benefit analysis, with womanizing, all the prospective benefits are actually disguised costs. It is therefore a loose-loose venture with virtually nothing to pick back even if you are fortunate to come out of it. God was therefore spot on when he said we should flee it (1 Corinthians 6:18). With all the enumerated ever-increasing cost of womanizing, one wonders why some Christian men are still in it and others also lacing their boots to walk that lane full of misery. If it is the exaggerated and over-hyped prospect of orgasmic pleasure, then the end excitement doesn’t compare in any way to the misery associated with it. It is, therefore, a raw and bad deal not worth giving even the slightest thought. It is a highly avoidable luggage every believer must offload at the very onset of their pilgrimage with the Lord and is the reason I referred to it as self-inflicted in the title of the article.

At this juncture, I would implore and plead with all who are into womanizing to make a firm decision to cease fire and turn a new page in your lives so that every damaged relationship with Christ could be restored. If you have also just been initiated into that “cult”, please lay all your tools and gadgets down and run for your life. Concerning such admonishing, Moses said in Deuteronomy 32:47, “They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By then, you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.” Thank God for all who have freed yourselves from that yoke and all who haven’t had a foretaste of the venom of womanizing, especially our upcoming teenagers. I suggest you feed and soak your spirit with God’s word, meditating upon it day and night whether married or unmarried and you’ll be fine. Lift your prayer life to another level as well my brother because the devil is always on the lookout to devour and destroy precious lives (1 Peter 5:8). To those who spend a disproportionate amount of time on social media compared to your devotion lives, be mindful of the recruits the enemy has unleashed unto all the handles. To the married, I agree with Proverbs 5:18, when he said, let the wife of your youth satisfy you. To the unmarried Christian, I entreat you with all of God’s mercies to take inspiration from the life of Joseph and trust God in your chastity and purity. The one who glorified Joseph and gave him his own wife in His own time would do the same for you. He is a faithful God.

I believe I can safely conclude that there can be nothing as being a “Christian” womanizer because fornicators are packaged together with sorcerers who will suffer eternally in the lake of fire (Revelations 21:8). Stay blessed.

The Writer is a Minister of The Church of Pentecost