The Ultimate Secret to Weight Loss Revealed — From Someone Who Lost 70 lbs
After having been struggling for decades with my weight and all the adjacent hardships of lack of mobility, lack of motivation, eating disorders, fatshaming and beauty bias, I lost 70lbs and reached my ideal weight earlier this year.
The whole journey was a tough but amazing accomplishment, but it wasn’t as glamorous as it was eye-opening.
Last January, at the age of 42, living a relatively sedentary life and being considered as lazy all my life, I set out on an indefinite journey to lose the extra weight and establish a completely different lifestyle — and it was different from all the previous attempts where I failed or succeeded temporarily only to gain back the pounds I lost.
This past year taught me a lot about health, fitness, the relationship with food, and mostly about my own determination. And I believe I finally figured out the secret ingredient to weight loss and weight management.
The hard and unpopular truth is that the secret has been out forever, but it’s so simple and so difficult at once that I ignored it for decades — and looked for the solution elsewhere.
I have tried every diet and fitness plan on earth. I tried low-carb, low-fat, keto, South Beach, Atkins, juice fasting, water fasting, intuitive eating. I tried to boost my metabolism with pills, superfood and high fiber content food. I tried running and yoga, I tried all forms of cardio, and that silly stationary bike when they wrap you in cellophane to make you sweat for an hour.
And you know what? The diets worked. The pills worked. The shortcuts worked. Sooner or later, depending on the method, I lost a few pounds, or a lot. But stopping with the dieting and relaxing my exercise regime, I gained it all back and then some, leaving me extremely frustrated and unmotivated. And then, with an even higher starting weight, I started it again. Binge eating cycles were followed by periods when I was starving myself. Overtraining was killing my soul and my joints. And I still refused to see the solution.
I was looking for the magic that would turn me into a skinny and fit person overnight. I was disappointed with my body that didn’t seem to be cooperating. I was beating myself up regularly, ruining my self-esteem and my days.
Looking back, knowing more, no wonder my attempts didn’t work out. No wonder my body didn’t cooperate. No wonder I lost motivation after a week or a month. I was doing it wrong.
“Eat less, move more” is close but oversimplified
In life, the solutions to complicated problems are usually simpler than we think. We tend to overcomplicate them because if something is simple and accessible, it’s hard to believe that it could work. Also, if the solution has been around forever and we still haven’t managed to follow it, then it is obvious that it’s on us.
Enthusiastic fitness gurus and scientists have been telling us for decades that the way to lose and maintain weight is the simple formula of eating less and moving more. In a way, this is true, but the lack of detailed, personalised information, the lack of mental support is detrimental to our motivation and hindering our success.
The weight loss failures come not from lack of discipline or motivation. They are in some cases related to underlying medical conditions — but that’s not as common as we would want to believe. Some people legitimately struggle because of physical problems (and hats of to them who still keep trying despite all the obstacles they face) but in most cases, it’s about a lack of awareness and trustworthy information.
The fitness and weight lost world is full of underweight fitness influencers trying to sell courses, coaching packages and dietary supplements, creating problems to offer fake solutions. It’s a way of making ends meet, not of wanting to offer real help.
It is easier to sell a pill that will speed up your ketosis than dig deep and help you pull yourself out of the mental and physical labyrinth of fake dreams and surreal methods.
It’s easy to say that you only need to eat less and move more to lose weight and be in shape. But it’s more like figuring out how to eat smarter (not less) and move smarter (not necessarily more) in a way that serves you physically, mentally — in the long run, in a sustainable way.
And it all starts with a simple concept…
The idea of calorie deficit
The solution that worked for me and worked for millions before me is a simple but not easy concept that is called calorie deficit.
The concept of calorie might be an outdated one, but it is still the best thing we have at the moment to measure how different types of food behave in our bodies. A calorie is the unit of energy needed to raise the temperature of 1 kilogram of water through 1 °C, equal to one thousand small calories and often used to measure the energy value of foods. The scientific research behind it is complicated and slightly obscure, but it is a commonly understood concept, a number you can find on every food, a base for recommended energy consumption for healthy individuals.
The idea of calorie deficit (or caloric deficit) is simpler than explaining the calories and energy consumption at large. Our body consumes energy and expends energy. We eat food and we do different activities. It functions as a balance.
As I said, it is simple.
But if you dig a little deeper, you can see that regardless of the calories being a universal system, we are different in the ways of how our body is processing the energy that we consume. This is where it starts to become difficult, as it is impacted by gender, age, body composition, genetic predispositions — and food quality and the type of activity we do.
We overestimate how much we expend and underestimate how much we consume
The science behind calorie deficit is solid, but just science doesn’t solve our problems. We need to simplify complicated scientific terms and concepts and we need to find how it fits into our lives.
My biggest learning about calorie deficit was that although most of the dieters understand calories and energy consumption, most of them are aware about counting calories and checking portions, there is still a huge misunderstanding about the practical day to day usage of it.
I have a friend who is an ultramarathonist and who is currently training for a 100k (62mi) run. As part of her training schedule, she was running for 83 km (51mi) that took her a little over 8 hours. Eight hours is extremely long! Imagine running and running and running for eight hours straight with only short breaks, pushing your body with a high intensity exercise for such a long time. In the course of 8 hours she burnt less than 4000 calories, that equals two Big Mac Meals (burger, fries and coke) and a chocolate shake.
With a sedentary lifestyle — sitting in an office or being on the lower end of physical activities during the day — moving for 30–60 minutes seems to be a huge accomplishment. And it is! Even if you just walk for 30 minutes or do some light activity, you are burning calories. But you need to be aware of the calories you burn. Half an hour of swift walking burns around 150–200 calories depending on your weight and body composition (fat and muscle proportion). An hour of running burns around 600. An hour of jumproping burns 1,000 (but have you every tried jumproping for even 2 minutes? It’s insane!).
Activity is great for your body, but do not overestimate the calorie expense that comes from it.
Similarly, if you have ever counted or checked calories on the food you eat, you will know that just splashing some olive oil on your salad will be 120 calories, one avocado will be 320 calories, one home made chocolate chip cookie is 78 calories (but have you seen anyone eating just ONE cookie?) and licking a spoon of nutella will be 100 calories.
We tend to underestimate how much we consume, especially with food that are delicious (hyper-palatable, as it is called these days) and difficult to control the portions.
Being aware of the concept of consuming and expending calories, and keeping the right balance for you is crucial in weight loss.
Every method works
Another unpopular truth is that it doesn’t really matter which diet you choose, because they all work. Yes, you read that right. No matter how loud one influencer can be, how popular a certain diet can become at a time — most of the methods work. If you choose keto, low-carb, low-fat, intermittent fasting or any other, you name it — and you do it for long enough, it will bring you results. Calorie deficit, patience and sustainability.
Calorie deficit everywhere
Within every diet method there is a calorie deficit in the background. When you do keto or any other method restricting certain food groups, you are limiting your calori intake. When you opt for low-carb, you are cutting out a high calorie food group, resulting in calorie deficit. When you do intermittent fasting, limiting the time during which you choose to eat and not to eat, you are limiting your time to consume calories. If you skip breakfast, you are consuming one less meal, thus limiting the calorie consumption. Counting calories works. Weight Watchers works. Keto works. In general, all of them work. The question is rather which one is for you.
If you hate fatty foods and feel nauseous thinking about eating eggs, avocado and meat all the time, keto will be a nightmare for you. If you can’t live without pasta and bread, don’t choose low-carb. If you hate counting calories, then choose another method of being conscious about the energy intake.
Patience
We are sold on easy and quick solutions, but sustainable weight loss needs time, and therefore patience. If a diet doesn’t work for you within 2 weeks, it doesn’t mean that it sucks, it means that your body needs more time to adjust to the new ways of calorie deficit. This is especially true if you have been yo-yo dieting, always trying out something new.
Don’t fall for solutions that promise overnight success. Weight loss needs a lot of time, patience and consistency. You need to be in a constant calorie deficit over a longer period of time (which can be 3–12 or even more months) to even show.
Sustainability
Extreme restrictions will usually backfire. Cutting our your favourite food groups and swearing to never eat another chocolate chip cookie will backfire. Starving yourself will lead to binge eating episodes and in extreme cases to eating disorders.
Knowing that you only have to be in calorie deficit gives you great freedom in choosing the method that works for you. You are allowed to eat carbs if they fit into your daily calories. You can drink alcohol if it fits into your plan. You can eat a Big Mac Meal if that’s your thing. If you plan in everything that makes your dieting journey sustainable, then you can let go of the concept of extreme restrictions, binge eating and cheat meals.
If you fall of the wagon, but you know that you are in it for the long run, getting back on track will be the only viable solution. Family holidays, socialising and devouring a cheeseburger can all fit in, as long as you are aware and you still keep the calorie deficit.
Weight management is for life
I have always envied naturally skinny people. Of course, it would be so great to eat whatever you want, as much as you want and still be in the best shape of your life without having to torture yourself with endless exercise.
But except for a few really fortunate individuals with the perfect genes (if they even exist) the game is the same for most of us. The conditions we have to deal with are pretty similar, but our lifestyles can be very different.
Naturally skinny people tend to move more naturally, they tend to fidget naturally, they eat smaller portions naturally. Whether it’s from a different upbringing, different appetite, different set of genes, the behaviours that lead to being naturally skinny are not really that magical.
Sounds daunting? It’s good news. It means that you can adopt a lifestyle where your habits and behaviour will help you more to maintain a healthy weight. It might not come naturally at first, but tying your shoelaces was once a challenge and look at you today, you do it without even recognizing that you can do it naturally.
Weight management is a lifestyle, and those who don’t struggle with it have the behaviours and habits that help them maintain a healthy weight naturally. You can decide to lose weight and you will if you keep at it for long enough, but if you don’t change your whole lifestyle and you don’t make consistently healthy choices for good, then you will end up where you were before.
Focus on establishing habits. Focus on defining a new lifestyle. Focus on the conscious parts of it only until they are becoming your second nature. Once it’s your lifestyle and identity, it won’t feel like a struggle anymore. So, yes, you will need to manage your weight for the rest of your life. But no, you won’t have to struggle with it forever.
Activity and exercise is not for weight loss
It might be a controversial statement from me, but in general, related to the energy expenditure of activities and exercise, weight loss doesn’t depend on how much you run or how many hours of hot yoga you choose to do.
Weight loss depends on calorie deficit. Period.
Physical activity and exercise are great and necessary for a healthy lifestyle. It’s great for your body, it’s great for your mind, it’s a habit that you should definitely aim to establish for life.
Walking, running, cardio, weight lifting, any kinds of sports will do miracles.
But exercising will increase your appetite, that might lead to consuming more calories. It will also give you a false sense of having expended a lot of energy, so you deserve a treat, resulting in overeating and excess calories. It will change your body by building muscles that can result in short term weight gain — instead of making your body lose fat.
If you are not aware of how much energy you expend when exercising, it is easier to eat over your calorie balance.
Also, if you have a lot of weight to lose, heavy physical activity might not be the first choice to go for — to avoid injuries, to save you from frustration of lack of mobility. You can still walk or swim or do yoga, but do it for the sake of moving instead of putting your faith into them delivering instant weight loss results.
If you need to lose weight for health reasons (and it has nothing to do with aesthetics) then losing weight should come mainly from food intake consciousness. If you also want to build muscles — as muscles can help you boost your metabolism, burn more fat when inactive — then weight training will be the way to go, instead of hours of cardio.
So, exercise should be part of your lifestyle, but you need to understand how it contributes to calorie deficit and what other benefits it can bring apart from weight loss only — to have the right expectations and the right form of activity.
Creating problems to offer fake solutions
There are some people struggling with medical conditions that will hinder their weight loss. Asking for help from health professionals and mental health professionals might be necessary if you are one of these people. But for the majority of dieters, there are no underlying conditions that stop weight loss.
The problem comes from the fitness gurus and health influencers who are creating problems to offer fake solutions. I’m sure you have heard of personalised diets based on your blood type, metabolism, body shape, rising sign and length of your middle finger.
These are mainly new problems created by very creative influencers to sell you something they want you to buy from them. Dietary supplements can be great, but don’t be sure that you need them just because there is a video explaining how green tea will accelerate your metabolism. There could be some truth to them — usually the best lies are based on morsels of truth — and therefore it is easy to dress them up as pseudo-science.
The shape of your body (apple, pear, triangle, ecto, meso, endomorph etc) doesn’t change the fact that you can lose weight with less calories consumed. Your blood type or vampire name won’t stop you from losing weight in a calorie deficit. Your hormones and age might make it more difficult to lose weight even in a calorie deficit, but it doesn’t mean that the solution for you isn’t calorie deficit. A very strict exercise plan — with a handsome or beautiful Instagram coach — will make you accountable and help you toning your muscles, but it won’t work unless you are in a calorie deficit.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept that we need to do things the hard way — no matter how simple it is, it is still hard — and there are no shortcuts. But don’t believe anyone who tries to sell you something based on made up ideas.
I don’t want to oversimplify it, the concept is already simple enough. It’s the execution that is difficult. The journey will be tough at times. There will be days when you want to give up. Don’t. The only way you can fail is quitting and going back to a previous lifestyle of excessive calorie consumption. Don’t.
If it is important for you, find the way that works for you. Make it sustainable and settle in for a long ride. Eat smarter (not less), move smarter (not only more). Find the joy in the new lifestyle. And watch the results, even if you need to be patient to see them. You got this. The magic lies in calorie deficit.