The Best Cure for Loneliness is Easier Than You Think
Loneliness is a negative emotional state most people experience on occasion, some more frequently than others. Prompted by separation due to death or divorce, isolation or illness, the experience is ubiquitous, and for some people, can be overwhelming.
I have previously written about the role of social support in alleviating loneliness,[i] which remains an important part of the equation. But there is some additional good news in terms of how to improve mood. Research explains.
The Gift of Gratitude
James B. Hittner and Calvin D. Widholm (2024) explored the link between gratitude and loneliness,[ii] and found some positive results. They describe gratitude in social terms, as a positive emotion recognizing the benefits that others have bestowed upon them, as compared with loneliness, which is an unpleasant emotion prompted by a perceived lack of social connection.
Hittner and Widholm remind us that gratitude is important for maintaining social connections, increasing relationship satisfaction, and perhaps not surprisingly, even improving physical health. They describe gratitude as a transitory emotional state as well as an individual trait—conceptualizing trait gratitude as the tendency to “notice and appreciate benefits and recognize anything in the world with grateful behavior.”
Hittner and Widholm describe loneliness, in contrast, as an unpleasant emotional state resulting from a discrepancy between social relationships that are desired versus personally experienced. They recognize loneliness as subjective, separate from the actual amount of social interaction. Some people seek social relationships when they feel lonely, although Hittner and Widholm note that higher levels of loneliness are linked with a higher level of social isolation, as well as increased depression, higher cognitive deficits, cardiovascular health risks, a depressed immune system, and perhaps not surprisingly, earlier mortality.
Expanding on the significance of social network, Hittner and Widholm note that changes in social network quantity or quality can predispose someone toward loneliness. They note that a decrease in quantity is linked with social loneliness, and reduction to network quality is associated with emotional loneliness.
The key then, is to learn how to enhance the experience of gratitude, which should reduce feelings of loneliness. Thankfully, gratitude research also contains some practical takeaways.
Try This at Home: Practicing Positive Perception
Hittner and Widholm describe the main finding from their meta-analysis as an inverse proportion between gratitude and loneliness. Simply put, grateful people are less lonely. To improve mood by swinging the balance, Hittner and Widholm suggest participating in a daily “three good things exercise,” listing three positive things experienced every day, and how they appeared to have happened. When the list items are socially or interpersonally focused, Hittner and Widholm predict gratitude for relationships will increase, and loneliness will decrease.
Gratitude Is the Gift that Keeps on Giving
Embracing the power of thankfulness, gratitude benefits everyone involved. Thanking someone for anything, however small, is a powerful relational connector that is often underestimated. Try it. Both the giver and receiver of an expression of gratitude enjoy an emotional boost. And sometimes just the intentional exercise of recognizing the good things every day, is a step in the right direction leading from self-imposed solitude to social satisfaction.