The Art Of Being Alone Without Feeling Lonely

We say loneliness is about being alone, but you can be lonely in a crowd, with your family, and with a partner. But how do you find comfort and peace in that loneliness and make it a haven?

Being alone comes in many different forms — physical and mental. I strongly believe that mental loneliness is the root cause of our need for distraction, hence why we default to external stimulation to distract ourselves.

So how do we learn to master this? How do we find ease and enjoyment in being alone without feeling lonely? Here are some things I do myself. 

1. Having a space and home you enjoy. 

Your environment plays a big role in your overall well-being, the space you live in should feel like a sanctuary where you can relax, rest, and recharge. Create a space that brings you peace of mind, whether it’s an apartment, house, or room. Simple touches like candles, a new plant, or your favorite scent can make any place more welcoming.

Being alone makes you notice many things you didn’t see before. So, having a clean and cozy space to come home to is key, as it boosts the feel-good in your brain and stimulates productivity. Coming home to a clean house and a made bed can do wonders. Sometimes, loneliness can be accompanied by procrastination and the looming thoughts of all you need to do. Therefore, spending 20 minutes or more before bed tidying up your space and preparing for the morning can lead to a better day.

2. Self-love and the enjoyment of working on something yourself.

When you work alone, you are in full creative mode, every decision is up to you only and the final product is completed without any influence. Learning something on your own builds self-confidence without the need for external validation.

Usually, we work on projects in groups; at work, we are taught to address issues as a team, and all through school, college, and beyond, we work in groups. This is obviously a fundamental and essential skill, but how often do we pick something where we dedicate ourselves to creating, solving, and completing something for ourselves? Learn to shift your mindset of loneliness into a place of relaxation, winding down, or creativity. Embrace the discomfort and find peace in it.

You can try journaling, drawing, reading, or crafting. But here’s the catch: Do these things without external distractions. How often do you put your phone down for 1-3 hours and focus on something? How often do you clean the house without the TV on, take a shower, or make food without music? Learning and becoming comfortable with yourself in silence is so important. Once you’re comfortable, it will be peaceful to fully and truly disconnect.

Facing your fears of why you feel lonely is challenging. Ask yourself WHY you feel this way. Loneliness can stem from a multitude of things. Some of the most common are moving to a new location, self-isolation, being on social media too much, and lack of social relationships. Personally, I think we should also add a lack of self-appreciation to this list.

So, how do we address this and find a working solution? 

Everyone is different, therefore, the solution will vary. But here are some universal things we can all apply to our daily lives.

1. Journaling

There are so many forms of writing: therapeutic, creative, prompt writing, and so on. Journaling has been proven to improve sleep, and mental health and help with procrastination. I encourage you to learn about yourself and why you feel lonely. Take note of what is currently happening in your life and what has happened in the past. We tend to hold on to things that have caused a lasting impact on us, such as breakups, losing friends, or making a big shift in our lives.

2. Social life

Quality over quantity. You don’t need a huge group of friends to feel socially fulfilled, having small close connections with people who thrive to see you grow benefits you a thousand times.

A long-term lack of a social life has been scientifically linked to loneliness. We are social beings and thrive in the community, so having just two or three close friends or family members can be beneficial. Many of us have social lives linked to work, school, or other activities, but depending on your profession, these coworkers or people may just have a professional relationship with you. A close friend you can hang out with can boost your self-esteem and comfort and create connectedness.

3. Disconnecting to reconnect

While socializing is key to your well-being, so is learning to enjoy your own company. Nature is your reconnect button. Use it frequently,  it is there to help you rebalance and find that peaceful slowness we lose in this fast-paced world filled with immediate dopamine and gratification around every corner.

I firmly believe a lot of our feelings of isolation and loneliness stem from the overuse of our phones. To combat that, limit screen time, take walks, get outside a little each day, pick up hobbies that require you to be outdoors, and find friends who do the same. Having others around us actively doing what we aspire to can motivate us to do the same.

What’s the difference between solitude and loneliness?

Loneliness, as we have just discussed, is caused by a lack of human contact and isolation. But there is something else very much like it, its kind counterpart – Solitude.

Solitude is a form of chosen isolation. It is usually the result of a conscious action. Say you want to leave your hometown for the weekend and explore somewhere new. Solitude is the kind side of loneliness, shifting your perspective from choosing to be alone versus having to be alone.

Learn about yourself, practice “disconnect to reconnect,” and find out who you are and why you feel and experience the things you do. Everything is tied together and no matter the situation, there is always a solution. You don’t have to feel lonely.