Single in a Relationship: Meaning and Signs

Are you in a relationship but still feel like you’re flying solo? Do you find yourself longing for more independence or freedom, even though your relationship status is currently “taken?” If the answer is yes, you might have fallen into the pit of being single in a relationship.

Being single and being in a relationship are two very different things. But given the complexity of human emotion, the line between them gets blurred more frequently than you would think. This is why you might often land into unclear relationship territories, such as situationships or acting single while in a committed, long-term relationship.

Feeling like you’re single in a relationship can be a complex and sometimes confusing experience. You’re definitely not single, but you don’t feel fully committed to your partner, either. It’s an in-between purgatory where you may feel disconnected from your partner, dissatisfied with your relationship, or simply need more space.

Whether you’re trying to navigate your own “single in a relationship” situation or simply curious about this concept, read on to learn more.

What is single in a relationship?

Our perception of relationships is often very idealistic. We think that everything will be black and white once we enter a relationship. You picture a distant future wherein you and your partner are thriving together.

But when it comes to romantic relationships, things are never so straightforward.

“Single in a relationship” is a term that describes a situation where someone is in a romantic partnership but still feels emotionally, mentally, or physically disconnected from their partner. There are two ways you can look at this:

• You’re in an official romantic relationship but feel like you’re single or long for more independence.
• You aren’t in an official relationship but have emotional and physical intimacy with someone.

Regardless of how you look at it, being single in a relationship can be an exhausting, frustrating, and ultimately destructive experience. It pulls you between singlehood and commitment, leading to loneliness and poor mental health. It can also strain the relationship, making it challenging to maintain open communication, work through disagreements, or build a strong foundation for the future.

You might be actively acting single while in a relationship, focusing on personal goals, hobbies, or passions. But ultimately, you will be disconnected from your partner and dissatisfied with your relationship.

Why do you feel single while in a relationship?

“I feel single in my relationship” is a concern voiced by many. But why does this uncomfortable and confusing feeling arise? Is there something wrong with you, your partner, or the relationship itself?

Here are a few possibilities for why you might feel single in a relationship:

1. Lack of emotional connection

Feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner can make it feel like you’re on your own.

2. Different goals or priorities

If you and your partner have vastly contrasting expectations for the future, it can create a sense of distance between you.

3. A need for personal space

Personal space and “me-time” are important in all relationships. If you don’t feel like you have enough personal freedom or time to yourself, it can cause you to feel disconnected from your partner.

4. Unresolved issues

Sometimes, past issues or conflicts can continue to affect a relationship and create distance between partners.

Watch this video to learn more about how to not take things personally.

5. Lack of shared activities

Spending quality time with your partner can help strengthen your bond and bring you closer together. If you don’t get to do things together or don’t have common interests, it can create a wedge in your relationship.

10 signs you are single in a relationship

It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re single but in a relationship, but it is something that needs to be recognized, acknowledged, and addressed. Perhaps you’re not feeling emotionally connected to your partner, or you’re spending more time with your friends than your partner.

This section will explore why you might feel this way and provide some guidance on how to address these issues and improve your relationship. Let’s look at some other tell-tale signs that you may be single in a relationship.

1. Lack of emotional connection

Emotional connection and intimacy through open and effective communication is the cornerstone of any sound relationship. When you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner, you might feel like your partner doesn’t truly understand, hear, or value you.

You might have noticed that you’re not sharing your thoughts with your partner as openly as you once did or that your partner isn’t interested in what you have to say.

It’s important to remember building an emotional connection in a relationship takes time and effort.

2. Lack of physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is just as important as emotional intimacy in a relationship. Physical intimacy helps you feel much closer and more connected to your partner. Hence, it can create a sense of disconnection if you don’t feel as physically attracted to your partner anymore.

Remember: you and your partner must communicate openly and honestly about your physical needs and work on finding a good enough compromise.

3. Making decisions without consulting your partner

When you’re in a committed relationship, you value your partner’s judgment and turn to them when you’re lost. So if you start making decisions without consulting your partner, it can make you feel like you’re not in a partnership.

It’s important to involve your partner in important decisions, even if you don’t always agree on everything. Doing so can help you feel more connected and invested in each other’s lives.

4. Lack of shared interests and activities

Without shared interests or activities, spending quality time together and feeling like you’re part of a team can be challenging. Though you don’t have to do everything your partner likes or vice versa, try to find some activities you can both enjoy and make time for them regularly.

5. Lack of support

When a relationship is truly synergistic, both partners support each other in ways that help them grow and reach their goals. If your partner doesn’t support your personal growth and goals, it can make you question whether you’re on the same page.

Hence, it’s essential to communicate your needs with your partner and find ways to support each other in your individual pursuits.

6. Prioritizing your friends over your partner

If you’re wondering, “why do I feel single in a relationship,” think about how much time and attention you’re actually giving your partner. Spending a lot of time alone or with your friends over your partner can create a huge wedge between you.

Remember to find a balance between time spent together and time spent pursuing individual interests.

7. Lack of trust

Trust is a fundamental pillar of any healthy relationship. It’s hard to feel like you’re part of a team if you don’t trust your partner or feel like they’re hiding something from you.

It’s important to work on building trust by communicating openly and honestly with each other.

8. Contrasting vision for the future

In order to feel fully invested in a relationship, you and your partner should have a shared vision for the future, at least regarding your relationship. If you don’t talk about long-term plans with your partner, you hold off from becoming too invested, lest it’s all for nothing.

So, have open and honest conversations about your goals and aspirations and work on finding ways to align your visions for the future.

9. Unequal effort in the relationship

Though each partner has their own role in a relationship, the load they bear must be equal. Otherwise, when one partner puts in significantly more effort than the other, it fosters feelings of resentment, frustration, and loneliness. You might feel like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, or your partner doesn’t appreciate you.

If this is the case, try communicating with your partner honestly. If you feel like you need some mediation and guidance for this conversation, give relationship counseling a try!

10. Daydreaming about being single

Daydreaming and fantasizing are perfectly normal and natural things. But when you always fantasize about being in another relationship or single, it’s a clear sign that you’re unhappy in your current relationship.

When this happens, you should take a step back and evaluate what might be causing those feelings.

FAQs

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about being single in a relationship.

Are singles happier than couples?

There is no straightforward answer to this, and different studies seem to suggest different things. In singlehood, people tend to have more enriched social lives and more freedom and independence.

On the other hand, people in healthy relationships may have better mental health due to an increased sense of security, stability, and companionship.

What are the signs of being single?

Sometimes, being single isn’t always so straightforward. Some subtle signs that you might actually be single include having more time to yourself, going on solo adventures, enjoying your own company, and feeling more independent.

Final thought

Being single in a relationship is a situation where no one wants to find themselves. Indeed, it can be difficult to navigate the feelings of disconnection while also trying to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.

Hence, it’s important to focus on what feels right for your individual needs, whether that means being single, in a committed relationship, or somewhere in between. Whatever you decide, the point is to break free from this confusing, gray, in-between state.

Soon enough, you will find the joy and fulfillment you seek.