Please, sorry, thank you!

FOUR-year-old girl told her father, “I want water,” and I heard the father say gently, “Say, please I want water.”  The girl repeated the expression as the father taught her.

When the girl accidentally spilt the water on the floor, she looked confused.  The father said, “Say, I’m sorry.” The girl repeated it.  Then the father helped his daughter to mop up the mess.

Then the girl said, “Thank you, Daddy,” and the father replied, “You’re welcome.  Good job.”

I admired the scene, for that was a father teaching her child basic courtesies for everyday living, not only for boys and girls but also for adults.
According to the late Chinua Achebe – Africa’s most celebrated literary laureate – “Proverbs are the palm oil with which conversations are eaten.”

If so, then one can also assert that “please, sorry and thank you” are three timeless expressions with which to brighten any conversation and build relationships.

Please

“Please” is a sweet word to say when making a request. “Could you please give me a cup of water?” means, “I humbly ask if you could do this for me.”

Saying “please” acknowledges that no matter our status, the person we are asking a favour from deserves respect.  Everybody needs somebody since we are not an island unto ourselves.

Pride is a subtle attitude that is difficult to detect in our behaviour. Failing to say “please” when asking someone to do something for us, for example, is a sign of pride. The pride is hidden in feeling too big to say “please”.

That simple word may speak a lot about us when dealing with certain types of people.  She is your housegirl (or houseboy) so you don’t need to say, “please” when sending them.  That’s not correct, for even a little child deserves to be told, “please” when asking them to do something.

‘I’m sorry’

To say “I’m sorry” is an all-time humane way of reconciling with another person and building relationships.

Humanly speaking, it is difficult to admit having done wrong.  Pride, egoism, self-importance, arrogance, and stuff like that, keep us from admitting our wrongdoing.

Yet, anybody who admits being genuinely sorry for something they have done wrong is exhibiting humility; and humility strengthens communal living while pride enhances disunity.

The Lord Jesus taught his followers what to do if they were offering their gift to God and they remembered that someone had something against them.

“Leave your gift there in front of the altar,” he told them.  “First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23, 24).

Cordial relationships

In other words, maintaining cordial relationships with others is as important as serving God with our gifts.  And “I’m sorry” is the vehicle for maintaining that cordiality.

Moreover, being sorry is a prelude to repentance, the indispensable inclination towards receiving forgiveness and acceptance by God.

A psychologist has said that when you break the trust someone places in you, saying sorry means nothing.

He said this to show the importance of upholding trust, but I disagree with this assertion.

Indeed, we must raise the bar of integrity high and not break trust, but because we are human and prone to all kinds of wrongdoing, we may break the trust.

If, unfortunately, this happens and we detect a moral weakness in this respect, seeking reconciliation through the admission of our fault and saying sorry is the way forward.  To think “sorry means nothing” only perpetuates the relationship breakdown.

And if we fail to accept a genuine apology from a person who is sorry for what they have done, we carry the burden while they are relieved of it.

But how can we fail to accept an apology and forgive when we also need forgiveness from God for our many wrongdoings?

Thank you

When someone does something for you, failing to say “thank you” leaves a vacuum in the transaction. It also leaves much to be desired and demonstrates a lack of courtesy and respect. “Thank you” in the family, when everybody appreciates everybody, covers a multitude of shortcomings.

Here is an overused cliché that has merit: “Gratitude is the best attitude” when dealing with people.  Those who say “thank you” and say it genuinely often get the good thing repeated for them.

The Lord Jesus healed ten lepers, but only one returned to say “Thank you!”  When the Lord publicly queried the nine for failing to show gratitude, he was teaching his followers the importance of thankfulness and appreciation.

The Lord God has done so much for us that our prayers should be full of more praise, adoration, and thanksgiving than constantly asking.

“Give thanks to God, for he is good and his mercy endures forever” (Psalm 136:1).

As a smile brightens the face, so saying “thank you” enhances our attitude.