Some teenagers struggle silently with feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and the fear of not being enough. Others blame other people and attribute their bad experiences to not being loved.
Appreciating and guiding teens away from insecurity towards healthy self-worth is essential for their emotional development and long-term well-being.
Adolescence is a period of identity formation. Teenagers are no longer children who rely solely on family validation.
They are also yet to develop a stable adult sense of self.
As they explore who they are, they constantly measure themselves against peers, expectations, and social standards.
Academic performance, physical appearance, popularity, and social media presence all become mirrors through which teens judge their value.
Interestingly, this is a period where emotional sensitivity is also heightened.
The teenage brain processes emotions intensely, while the ability to regulate those emotions is still developing.
This is why criticism feels sharper, rejection feels heavier, and uncertainty feels overwhelming.
Even well-intentioned corrections from adults can be interpreted as personal disapproval, reinforcing insecurity.
For this reason, adults need to be sensitive when dealing with them.
Dismissing them, talking down to or embarrassing them in front of others can provoke exaggerated reactions.
Some teens even end up entertaining suicidal ideations because they believe they are not loved by their parents, caregivers or even teachers.
Insecurity can show up as withdrawal in some teens, while avoiding situations where they could be judged.
Others become defensive, argumentative, or overly confident as a way to mask vulnerability.
Some may seek constant reassurance, while others stop trying altogether to avoid failure.
These behaviours are not signs of weakness or disrespect.
They are signals that a teen is struggling internally and trying to protect their sense of self.
Adults around them must notice these signs of insecurity and be willing to help them navigate the season.
One of the most important ways to help teenagers overcome their insecurity is to help them separate worth from performance.
Teens need to understand that their value does not depend on grades, achievements, or approval.
When adults focus only on outcomes, teens learn to believe that love and acceptance must be earned. Praising effort, growth, honesty and perseverance helps teens see themselves as valuable even when they fall short.
Supporting teens through insecurity requires intention, patience and consistency.
They should be encouraged to express their emotions respectfully without being dismissed or minimised.
This will make them appreciate that their feelings are temporary and manageable.
They should also be helped to learn how to validate themselves rather that seeking external approval, by making them answer questions such as “What are you proud of today?” or
“What did you learn from that experience?”
This is a good exercise to help them reflect on their strengths, values and progress.
An emotionally safe environment is one in which the teenager is offered guidance without judgment and receives reassurances that mistakes do not lead to rejection.
Emotional safety allows teens to be honest about their struggles and ask for help when needed.
Parents model self-worth in the way they handle stress, failure, and in how they show self-compassion.
Teachers contribute by creating environments where students feel respected, supported and valued beyond academic success.
Clear expectations combined with empathy foster both discipline and confidence.
Peers should be taught to practise empathy, inclusion and positive peer support.
Learning to support one another builds a sense of belonging that protects against insecurity.
By helping teens separate worth from performance and develop internal validation, they are being equipped with a strong foundation of self-worth.
This foundation not only helps them navigate adolescence but also prepares them for healthy relationships, resilience and confidence in adulthood.
Teen insecurity is not a flaw.
The Writer is a Child development expert/ Fellow of the Zero-To-Three Academy, USA. E-mail: nanaesi.gaisie@wellchildhaven.com
