I’m Not A Nice Person, And Here’s What I Mean By That

When you hear the words “nice” and “kind,” I’m sure you probably think they’re interchangeable. We think they mean the same thing because when someone is nice, we usually also think they’re kind.

What if I shocked you and told you there’s a difference between the two words? If you’re anything like me, you probably think, “What? That makes no sense!” But let me explain.

When someone is nice, it’s about their personality. They’re enjoyable to be around, polite, and have good manners. A nice person does what is expected of them, often to maintain appearances or fit social expectations. If you drop your pencil, they’ll pick it up and hand it back to you because it’s polite.

When someone is kind, however, it’s all about their behavior. Kind people go out of their way to help you—not because it’s expected, but because they genuinely care. Kindness is about how someone treats another person, especially when no one is watching. Remember how I said a nice person would pick up your pencil and hand it to you? If your pencil rolls across the floor to the opposite side of the room, a kind person will notice your frustration, dig into their bag, and offer you an extra pencil without a second thought, purely out of a selfless desire to help.

People are often nice because they want to be liked, whereas kindness comes from a deeper, more authentic place.
A kind person can be nice, but external validation doesn’t motivate their actions. They help not to gain recognition but because that’s who they are. Kind people don’t keep score or expect anything in return. They don’t wait to see if others will jump in first—they’re proactive and thoughtful by nature, always ready to lend a helping hand before it’s even asked for.

You’ll never hear a kind person remind you of their good deeds. They won’t say, “I’ve always been so kind to you,” or brag about what they’ve done for others. Instead, they’ll complete an act of kindness and move on. When you thank them, they’re likely to respond with a simple, “Of course, no problem,” because what they did wasn’t extraordinary to them—it was just natural.

With all this said, I need you to understand something about me: I am not nice but kind.
When I say that, I don’t mean I’m rude or unpleasant—I know how to be nice when it’s appropriate. But niceness, to me, feels surface-level. It’s about appearances and social norms; honestly, I don’t care much for either. I’m not here to impress you or play a role to be liked. My actions aren’t motivated by what others might think.

When I go out of my way for someone, it’s because I want to, not because I’m trying to gain approval or meet an expectation. My kindness isn’t performative—it’s authentic. That’s why you won’t catch me reminding people of the things I’ve done for them. I don’t need to.

Be cautious of people who claim they’re kind but only act that way when others are watching. They’re looking for recognition, not connection. True kindness is a rare gem, not easily found. It’s quiet. It’s in the little things—holding the door open without a second thought, noticing someone’s having a tough day and offering a kind word, or going out of your way to help when no one else will.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with being nice—it has its place, and we need more of it in the world. But for me? I’d much rather be considered kind. Kindness is about character, and that’s something far more enduring than niceness could ever be.