How to Keep Current Events from Straining Your Relationships

Each year, the American Psychological Association (APA) conducts its Stress in America survey, in which over 3,000 U.S. adults are polled about significant stressors in their lives (APA, 2024b).

Although the annual survey has revealed increasing stress in the lives of Americans over the past decade, the 2024 end-of-year results revealed an interesting twist—stress related to our nation’s political polarization is having a negative impact on our interpersonal relationships.

As an expert in stress, I found these results both interesting and concerning. The interesting part was that the survey revealed that politically-related stress was not only the most significant source of stress reported by respondents (77% reported stress related to the “future of our nation”), but this specific stressor was fairly equally distributed across political affiliations, with 80% of Republicans, 79% of Democrats, and 73% of independents reporting this concern.

This means that while the degree of polarization in our country may be high, the most prominent cause of stress among Americans is actually a mutually shared concern. This suggests that there may be common ground to come together in the future to find ways to work together to relieve this shared source of stress. Equally encouraging were the findings that, regardless of political affiliation, Americans generally agree that differing values and opinions are beneficial to society (86% of Democrats, 86% of Republicans, and 84% of independents) and that being able to have conversations with people who don’t share the same beliefs is important (83%, 83%, and 79%, respectively).

While these results suggest hope for the future, the most concerning results were those showing that political stressors are putting a significant strain on our relationships. Of those polled, one-third reported stress and strain in their relationships directly due to the polarized political climate, and 30% indicated that they’ve chosen to limit their contact with family members that don’t share their same views and values. Half of respondents reported that tension related to social and political topics makes them less likely to want to connect with people in general, and 46% reported that they wouldn’t date someone who didn’t share their political views (47% of women and 45% of men).

These findings are concerning on many levels. Interpersonal relationships typically serve as a buffer to stress in our lives. In fact, a recent study revealed that the best predictors of a happy, meaningful life are the warmth and quality of our relationships. Harvard psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, director of the longest-running scientific study of happiness, found that good relationships serve as “stress regulators” by providing us with opportunities to receive comfort, advice, and assistance from our closest connections (NPR, 2023). While stressors “rev up” our bodies, leaving us feeling physically and mentally depleted, our relationships help calm our bodies and bring us back to equilibrium. Moreover, a lack of interest in wanting to connect with people in general can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Therefore, if significantly high stress levels and current event stressors result in a loss of a typically reliable source of stress relief (e.g., our relationships), then stress levels and stress-related symptoms are likely to amplify over time. Fortunately, there are ways to reduce stress even during times of turmoil and discontent.

• Be cognizant of the time you spend watching programs or listening to media that are likely to induce stress. In today’s world, we have access to 24/7 media, so it’s up to you to be conscientious about and mindful of the time you spend consuming stressful information.
• During periods when you’re feeling especially stressed or overwhelmed, take a news and social media break. Spend time reading for enjoyment, journaling, engaging in activities that you enjoy, getting outside and enjoying nature, or spending time with friends who are aware of and will respect your desire for a break from stressful content and conversations.
• When you need to vent, make sure it’s with people who share your concerns, views, and values. Otherwise, it will turn into a stress-inducing argument rather than an opportunity to freely express your frustrations and emotions in an understanding, supportive environment.
• Distinguish between what you can control and what you can’t control, and seek out opportunities within your control that make you feel empowered and productive. While this can include activist-related activities, it doesn’t need to be; it can be any activity that makes you feel like you’re making a difference. This will likely expose you to like-minded individuals, and hopefully expand your connections.
• For relationships that are (or once were) important to you, but you’ve avoided because of differing views, try to come to an agreement on the nature, tone, and content of your conversations. This will require that you have honest, but respectful conversations about how to navigate the relationship going forward, which may need to be on terms that are different than they once were, and that’s okay. Humans disagree on many things; politics is just one of them.

As APA CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr. advises, it’s important to remember that most people desire a return to respectful, civil discourse and positive change, so we should look for opportunities “to channel our collective stress into meaningful conversations and actions that promote healing and understanding” rather than focus on what divides us (APA, 2024a).