How to deal with emotional triggers
A trigger is when a current experience causes an intense reaction because of something in your past. I know that on an intellectual level, but I’ve only recently been able to realize I’ve been triggered within 24 hours of it happening.
This feels like major progress, and it got me thinking about how to better identify and manage triggers.
Rule 1: Admit You’ve Been Triggered
I go back to improv’s “Yes, and” rule to better acknowledge and accept emotions, including triggers. The improv comedy rule says that when something happens on stage, you go along with it and then add something new to the scene.
This works on stage because it helps improvisers avoid confusion and conflict.
This can also work when you’re triggered.
The first rule is to admit that you’ve been triggered. No judgment or shame. It just is.
If you try to deny or repress your feelings, you’ll only make them worse.
Rule 2: Get Curious About Your Trigger
The “and” part of “Yes, and” might mean you get curious about your trigger and explore the so-called scene. I think of this as a dialogue with myself:
Clay, you’ve been triggered. Yes, and that makes a lot of sense because you were asking for help. What is it about asking for help that really gets to you? Well, when I put myself out there and then don’t receive help, I’m brought right back to being a teenager and not feeling like I had anyone supporting me.
Rule 3: Better Yet, Get Curious With a Therapist
Even better than a dialogue with yourself is a dialogue with a trained professional. Numerous therapy modalities address and explore triggers. Do some homework and make some phone calls to reach out to a therapist.
Rule 4: Calm the Heck Down
If you can’t manage a trigger, that could mean you’re still upset. You won’t be able to work through anything until you’ve regulated yourself.
- Take a walk.
- Write an angry letter (that you don’t send).
- Talk to a trusted friend.
- Let some time pass.
You may find that you can only admit that you’re triggered but can’t move past it until you feel calmer about the situation.
Rule 5: Play the Scene You’re In
There’s another improv rule that says you should play the scene you’re in and not the scene you wish you were in.
In terms of triggers, we can modify this saying: “Play the scene you’re in, not the scene your trigger wants you to play.”
That means you should size up your situation.
I’m at the mall. It’s crowded. My breathing is heavy and my palms are sweaty. I am reminded of the time I got lost in a crowd when I was little, but I am not little now. I am safe. I’m an adult. I can take deep breaths and find a less crowded store to hide out in, while I calm myself down.
By focusing on your current situation, you can start to shift your focus from your trigger to a more mindful, in-the-moment focus.
Identifying and working through your triggers takes a lot of work. It requires you to get curious and honest about what you’re experiencing and why.
But if you engage in that work, you can learn more about your triggers and lessen their hold over you over time.