How to Build Trust in a Relationship: 15 Ways

Ah, trust in a relationship. It’s like avocado in avocado toast. Without it, your relationship is just toast.

After all, if you can’t trust the other person in a relationship, what’s the point? You will be constantly worried that the other person will leave, screw you over, or fail to do what was promised. Being in an untrustworthy relationship can be worse than being in no relationship at all.

How then do you build and maintain trust in a relationship? So often people want it from the other person without themselves doing the things needed to build such trust. People can be like penguins waiting for others to dive off the ice cliff first. Don’t be that penguin; instead, start doing these 15 things immediately:

1. Maintain open and frequent communication.

Don’t expect others to be mindreaders. In the words of that Madonna song, express yourself. At the same time, listen to others. Hear what they have to say. Do all of this frequently—every day, preferably.

2. Be honest and transparent.

Don’t make your communication like political speeches. Be very clear about how you feel, what you are thinking, what’s making you happy, and what’s concerning you. Blindsiding people with unexpected thoughts and actions is one of the quickest ways of destroying trust.

3. Be consistent.

Would you trust a thermometer that gave different readings each time or Siri if it were to give unexpected answers? It is difficult to trust anyone who constantly runs hot-cold or brings will-they-or-won’t-they. drama into a relationship.

4. Be reliable and true to your word.

If you say you are going to do something, then do it. Talking big without delivering is easy. Giving too many excuses afterwards will eventually make others say, “Excuse me, but I can’t trust you.”

5. Be non-judgmental.

Don’t quickly label or categorize others based simply on limited observations. Telling others that they are “quiet” or “shy” just because they aren’t Jim Carrey all the time or that they are “too sensitive” because they question what you say is going to make them feel they have to walk on eggshells when around you.

6. Be empathetic.

You can’t simply declare to other people that you are “an empath” or utter “I hear you” or “I feel for you.” Actions speak much louder than words. Demonstrate compassion.

Don’t just speak of it. If, for example, others are feeling nervous or down, don’t make demands. Instead, listen to them. Hear what they have to say. Take concrete steps to make them feel better.

7. Establish and respect boundaries.

“I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing” is a great way to destroy trust in a relationship. It’s also a great way to mimic being a five-year-old. Don’t force others to do or talk about something when they are not ready.

8. Be accountable and apologize.

Another great way to be like a five-year-old is to not be accountable for your actions. If you screwed up, if you hurt someone or something, quickly show remorse, apologize, and make amends.

Don’t try to find someone or something to blame. And absolutely do not try to shift the blame back to the person whom you hurt. That’s like saying you punched someone because that person’s face got in the way of your fist.

9. Show vulnerability.

Again, it’s OK to admit mistakes. It’s also OK and, in fact, good to show your “weaker” sides. In fact, when you do not, others may wonder what you’re hiding.

10. Don’t try to manipulate or control the other person.

No one is going to say, “I trust you because you keep trying to trick me.” And self-respecting people do not want to be controlled.

11. Be generous, not transactional.

Don’t keep score. Don’t always expect something in return for what you do. A relationship is not a business transaction in which you pay or get paid for services. If you want companionship, conversation, love, and even sex that way, there are businesses for that, some legal.

12. Don’t be self-centered.

If it’s always all about you and nothing but you, then soon it may be only you. Always keep in mind how your actions are affecting others.

13. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.

People are not perfect. Don’t assume bad intentions. Stress, misunderstanding, or other factors may be behind what people say and do. Be curious about the other person. Show forgiveness. Don’t turn the relationship into a grudge match by holding on to grudges.

14. Be there when needed.

Ultimately, people show their true character during tough times. If others face crises and you aren’t there for them fully, how can they ever trust you again?

15. Have and show integrity.

All of the above are about showing integrity. If you don’t have and follow a clear set of values, then it is hard for anyone to trust you. And don’t just speak of having integrity. Be it. Live it.

Again trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship. But you can’t just demand it from others. You have to show it to get it. And trust that they will reciprocate so that everything will work out in the end.