How to break a bad habit

Maybe you bite your nails or tug at your hair. Or, you’re drinking more than you’d like or checking your phone way too often. We all have habits that can seem to take over our lives, and despite attempts to curb or stop them, it’s all too easy to fall back.

Habits start as behavioural solutions to an underlying emotional trigger, often anxiety or stress. Because they work—you get an immediate moment of relaxation when you check your phone or pour a drink—they get repeated, and with repetition, the behaviour gets hot-wired in your brain. Eventuall,y it becomes automatic.

But habits can be broken; you can rewire your brain. While you can’t shut off the brain’s old circuits, you can create new ones. Here are six tips to help you get some habit-breaking traction:

1. Know your triggers.

You sit down to watch a movie and, minutes in, you’re biting your fingernails; the beer calls your name as soon as you walk through the front door and see the fridge. Ditto the phone on your bedside table.

What sets a habit in motion are triggers, which can be numerous and subtle. Knowing what triggers your behaviour is the first step in breaking a neurological circuit; recognizing the trigger makes it less of a trigger. With recognition, you have an opportunity to do something different.

2. Plan a substitute behaviour in advance.

Doing differently is the key. Breaking a bad habit is not about white-knuckled stopping but a planned replacement: Sit on your hands during the movie; make yourself a mocktail when you get home; squeeze a rubber ball instead of pulling at your hair; put your phone in your coat pocket rather than leave it in plain sight.

But don’t expect to come up with a replacement on the spot. Once the movie starts, you hit the front door, you see your phone, it’s all over—your brain goes on autopilot. Know what you’ll do about the movie, mocktail, or phone at 4 pm. If you wait, the triggers will be too overwhelming.

3. Track your emotional temperature.

Environmental triggers are one half of the equation; the other is emotional. Because bad habits are effective at reducing anxiety. We tend to lean on them when we’re feeling emotionally vulnerable—stressed out about exams or job reviews, having a difficult time at work, or after a big argument with our partner or boss.

The antidote is tracking your emotional temperature. You wake up and ask yourself how you are doing and what you are feeling. How emotionally vulnerable are you? Do you need to be careful today? If you’re worried about exams or your relationships, it’s a good day to be cautious about your destructive behaviours.

And it’s time to be proactive. I suggest that my clients check in every hour or so to take their emotional temperature on a 10-point scale, 1 being flatlined, OK, and 10 being out of control. You need to catch yourself at 3 or 4 so you can either deal with what’s making you anxious or take steps to reduce your anxiety. If you wait until you are at 6 or above, it’s too hard to rein feelings in.

4. Address the underlying problems.

Because bad habits start as bad solutions to underlying problems, it makes sense to find a better solution to your primary problem. Maybe you have an anxiety disorder that keeps you constantly afraid of social situations or that makes you self-critical or drives your use of alcohol or drugs. Or, your work is always stressful—you feel constantly criticized—or your relationship is falling apart but no one talks about it.

It’s time to take action, to find better ways to tackle your anxiety, your work, and your relationship. Will doing so automatically break your habit? No, but the habit will fade over time when you reduce the triggers and the source.

5. Expect slippage.

Two steps forward, one step back. This is how it goes. Expect it. On a bad day, the fridge or phone pulls you in; you’re vulnerable;. That’s okay; it’s time to get back on the horse.

6. Have a sideline coach.

This is about accountability and support, someone to check in with and turn to when you’re struggling. The key is being clear with the coach about the help you need to avoid feeling micromanaged and resentful.

Breaking bad habits is not about personality or willpower but rewiring your brain by replacing habit-driven behaviours with new, healthier options.

It’s about you running your brain rather than your brain running you.