From first dates to golden anniversaries, some loving words never grow old. One example is timeless and priceless, the charisma and comfort of compliments. Research explains.
First Date Flattery
First dates are opportunities for potential paramours to test the waters regarding everything from conversation to chemistry. Yet when it comes to building romantic rapport, some conversation topics are better than others. Compliments are always appreciated; selective compliments in areas of achievement or personal style are uniquely valuable, especially to attractive people who are already used to being flattered for their good looks. It is refreshing and alluring to be recognized for quality characteristics below the surface and makes a date more appealing.
But once a relationship is underway, some partners do not continue to express mutual admiration, leading to one (or both) partners feeling as if they are taken for granted. This dynamic hinders healthy relationship building, which is unfortunate because, as research reveals, established couples do not tire of partner praise; they continually value it over time.
Compliments Within Relationships of Respect
Monika Eckstein et al. (2023) investigated the power of positive interaction within romantic couples by measuring neural responses.[i] Recognizing love as probably “the most fascinating feeling that a person ever experiences,” they sought to learn more about romantic interaction by collecting data from 84 partnered individuals using functional magnetic resonance imaging scanners while the couples sent and received compliments in the form of short messages about what they liked about their relationship, and each other. Results showed activation within brain areas known to be involved in reward processing and empathy. Eckstein et al. note these observations, illustrating the neural response of delivering this type of “verbal treat” to a romantic partner may be important in stabilizing and protecting romantic relationships, enhancing an important factor in human health and life.
Eckstein et al. report that self-esteem and positive affect are enhanced through social integration and a sense of belonging, and positive feedback functions as an indicator of social integration. They also note that romantic couples who engage in constructive communication enjoy a higher degree of relationship satisfaction, which can even buffer a lack of sexual satisfaction. They also note that communicating compliments is associated with better relationship satisfaction, with women demonstrating a stronger sensitivity toward compliments than men.
Eckstein et al. explain that for most adult couples, partner interaction impacts both temporary affect and long-term health outcomes, and that exchanging praise and compliments constitutes an element of positive couple interaction, as well as the fact that receiving specific compliments within a romantic relationship enhances social identity.
The Relational Gift of Gratitude
One common denominator that emerges through research as well as practical experience is the comfort of compliments, as it impacts relational satisfaction, as a form of gratitude. Couples who thank God for each other and frequently describe themselves as “lucky” to have their mate create a higher degree of comfort, satisfaction, and well-being. Individuals who have not adopted a practice of expressing gratitude can start today. From helpful habits, to being a good listener, to being kind to others, reflecting upon and expressing the reasons they appreciate their partner can provide a great place to start when it comes to revitalizing the romance, and the relationship.
