Hold my bissap: On marriage, dating, and the single sage

“Are you married? Have you been married before? You don’t even have a girlfriend, so why are you talking about marriage and dating? Get a girlfriend first before tackling this topic!”

Hold my bissap! This line of argument always baffles me. Are we saying that unless someone has a ring on their finger, a complicated history of exes, or even a current situationship, they have no business weighing in on marriage and relationships? Have we now relegated the art of advice-giving to a secret club, exclusive to the romantically experienced? If so, let me introduce an intriguing outlier: the Catholic priest.

Yes, the man sworn to celibacy, often with no dating history to his name, is somehow the go-to for officiating marriages, counseling couples, and doling out sage advice about lifelong commitment. Now tell me—how does this add up?

Let’s first breakdown this idea that marriage and dating require some advanced level of expertise that only those “in the trenches” can understand. It’s not rocket science. It’s not a complex surgical procedure requiring years of residency to master. Anyone with a functioning mind, the ability to observe, and a bit of empathy can analyze relationships, spot patterns, and offer insights.

Take the Catholic priest. These men live lives of service, constantly immersed in the joys, struggles, and heartbreaks of their parishioners. They hear confessions, witness families fall apart, and help people rebuild. No, they haven’t dated, but they have a front-row seat to what works—and more importantly, what doesn’t. Their advice doesn’t come from personal experience but from collected experience.

Here’s the thing: experience is not the sole pathway to insight. If that were true, only former addicts could be drug counselors, and only retired athletes could coach. Yet we know this isn’t the case. Catholic priests, for instance, undergo extensive training, studying theology, psychology, and counseling techniques. They are groomed to listen, guide, and provide frameworks for healthy decision-making.

Think about it: most people don’t want advice that sounds like, “When I was dating, I did this, so you should too.” No, they want someone who can step back, see the big picture, and guide them without the baggage of their personal biases. The priest, untouched by romantic entanglements, provides exactly that—clear, impartial wisdom.

Now, let’s not pretend that everyone who gives advice—whether experienced or not—knows what they’re talking about. The onus is on you, the recipient, to sift through the chaff and extract the valuable grains. Whether advice comes from your single friend, your married boss, or your celibate priest, the trick is to pick what resonates and discard the rest.

If priests can guide couples and officiate their marriages without ever having a girlfriend, then surely anyone with a well-reasoned perspective can offer their two cents on relationships. To dismiss someone’s advice based on their relationship status is, frankly, lazy. The real question should be, “Is this advice sound? Does it align with my values and circumstances?”

So the next time someone says, “You don’t even have a girlfriend, so why are you talking about marriage?”—ask them this: Does a chef need to eat at every restaurant to know how to cook well? Do astronauts need to live on Mars to teach about space travel? Expertise is not always rooted in direct experience. Sometimes, it’s rooted in careful study, observation, and a willingness to engage deeply with the subject.

Marriage and dating are universal topics. They are not the exclusive preserve of the romantically involved. So, while I may not have a partner to flaunt, I will continue to share my observations, analyze trends, and offer thoughts on love and commitment.

As for those who dismiss me? Well, I’ll just keep sipping my bissap. Cheers!