His mother had become the barrier against our marriage
In 2014, after a 10-month break from the relationship I was in, a guy invited me to his hall to organize a birthday party for me. This is a guy I knew only by face and name. He wasn’t a friend and he wasn’t an acquaintance.
He was just a guy I knew in class. I wondered why he would go to that length to organize a birthday party for me. The more I thought of it, the more it made me think that I was special in his eyes. I was only eighteen and a little bit naive.
After the birthday party, he started asking me out. He had already done something that blew my mind so my eighteen-year-old mind said, “Say yes. This is the guy who made your day on your birthday. He likes you truly.” So I said yes to him. That meant the two of us were lovers. A few days after dating, he started acting distant. He never spoke to me and never tried to meet me anywhere. An attitude like this from a guy who some few days ago broadcasted our relationship to the guys in class and even warned them not to talk to me got me confused.
One day, one of the guys in class—Kwasi approached me with a love proposal. He said, “Abena if I tell you I love you and want a date with you, would you leave that your boyfriend and come for me?” It was funny the way he said it but it got me surprised too. I told him, “I’m already in a relationship and you know it so I can’t date you.”
The relationship between me and that my boyfriend never got better. Four months after no calls and zero interactions with me, I decided to let that guy go. I felt he had wasted my time but it was better to let him go before he wastes more of my time. A year later, Kwasi asked me out again. This time around I decided to do the right thing. I’d known him since our first year on campus.
Conversations between us were great. We talked often and mostly studied together. If nothing at all, he was someone I could call a friend and he was also someone I could trust to have a meaningful conversation with. So I said yes to him. We were in our third year going to our fourth year.
When my ex realized I’d moved on with Kwasi, he started spreading lies about our breakup. He said I was always needy and kept asking him for things. He said I was the one who proposed to him. He didn’t want to date me but I forced myself on him. I didn’t see his reasons for peddling all those lies but I kept quiet and offered no explanation to those who asked me about our breakup.
Kwasi and I started dating in 2016. Our love from the university days had grown to become what it is today. We are very good friends who talk about almost everything. We laugh, have fun, and are connected on a higher level. Through these 5 years, we have been through everything. Happy moments, sad moments, and great moments.
Last year we started having a discussion on marriage. We agreed to get married in the latter part of this year. We didn’t relax. We started saving money for our wedding. We started talking about the details and used the rest of our days to fine-tune them as and when we found it necessary. Everything was going according to plan until Kwasi’s mother came into the picture.
The first day I met his mother she was very nice to me. Everything she did created the impression that she liked me and wouldn’t have anything against our relationship. One morning, Kwasi approached his mother and told her about his intentions to get married to me. He later told me, “She went cold immediately I told her I wanted to marry you.”
We both didn’t understand why. We allowed her to have her day. A few weeks later, we both met her and discuss the issue thoroughly with her. She said, “My son is not getting married until he’s thirty.” Age has never been the problem. I’m in my mid-twenties and he’s in his late twenties. We are ready and believe the mother shouldn’t use age as a factor against our union.
I’ve been thinking about our situation now and don’t know what next to do. Kwasi has stopped talking about the marriage totally. When I ask him when it’s going to happen, he tells me, “Let’s wait and see what the future holds.” That gets me more scared. Kwasi had been the sole breadwinner for his family since his father died. I don’t know if the mother thinks Kwasi’s attention would be diverted from her when he gets married. Or maybe, she just doesn’t like me enough to accept me as her in-law.
Nothing is certain as I write this. The zeal Kwasi had from the beginning is n longer there. I know him and I know how he behaves when his heart is into something. Currently, he looks distant from everything we had planned. What is happening to him? Is he being influenced by his mother? Has he changed his mind and finding it hard to tell me? Please advise me. We’ve come from far away and I don’t believe everything we’ve worked for should be for nothing.