Guys share advice on first time sex
In an AskMen thread on Reddit, prompted by the question “What tips would you like to give guys having sex for the first time?”, men have been sharing advice that stems from their own personal experience.
Their responses range from practical tips vis-à-vis condoms and lube, to pep talks about how nobody is a stallion their first time.
Here are five of the common themes that emerged in the replies, which are worth bearing in mind whether you’re starting a sexual relationship with somebody new, or doing it for the first time ever.
Consent is key
From MmUshI2814: “Consent is always key. If your partner says stop, don’t persist, stop immediately and try a different approach (or if they say they don’t want to keep going, again don’t be persistent, it’s their choice. Wait until they’re ready).”
Communicate with your partner
Communication is an integral part of any relationship, and that includes a sexual one. It goes far beyond just expressing or obtaining enthusiastic consent; being attuned to the verbal and non-verbal cues from your partner can ensure you both have an amazing experience.
From Bakahashi: “Be receptive. Eyes, words, they mean a lot while having sex, especially if it’s the first time. As much as there’s the physicality of it, it’s about communication. Don’t be scared or in a hurry, have control over your emotions. Explore.”
Don’t rush the foreplay
Foreplay is a natural next step after communication; once you know what your partner is into and what turns them on, you can make sure they’re enjoying themselves just as much as you are.
From SierraPapaHotel: “Take time during foreplay to explore each other and find what each likes. Pay attention. Talk and listen… Actual penetration may finish too quickly, or it may last too long. Taking your time with foreplay will help prevent these issues. Make sure the other person is enjoying it, but don’t forget to enjoy it yourself. Intimacy makes good sex. But sex is not a substitute for intimacy… Foreplay and cuddles are a good way to ensure the intimacy is there.”
Remember this is real life, not porn
Just as you wouldn’t try to recreate a stunt you saw in a Marvel movie in your day-to-day life, it’s important to recognize that porn is entertainment, and presents a very specific, heightened version of what sex is, which doesn’t necessarily translate to the real thing. Attempting to mimic the contortions of a porno in your first sexual encounter with somebody is likely to lead to embarrassment… or injury.
From kronicle_gaming: “Porn is far from reality. Don’t get too fancy and try to fuck in a chair or upside down or something crazy. Keep it simple.”
It’s also important to remember that porn isn’t sex ed, and that contrary to what you might have seen online, most women are highly unlikely to reach orgasm from penetration alone. From psmith_msn: “Keep touching stuff, not just the vagina. Don’t go jackhammer like in a porn, smooth and steady. If you cum and she hasn’t, there’s nothing wrong with using your fingers to get her to finish … make sure she cums too!”
Awkwardness is to be expected
From CopperPetra85: “It’s going to be awkward and that’s ok. There will be a lot of leaning on hair, having to stop to shift over slightly, your foot or knee slipping, the occasional cramp and generally feeling you have to apologise for being a bit clumsy. It’s all normal and sometimes the most enjoyable moments are when something goes slightly awry so you stop and laugh about it together before jumping back into action.”