Communication Equals Better Sex
Does that mean talking about sex? It could.
“I don’t like to kiss in the morning until after I have brushed my teeth. How about I get back into bed after I do?” Or “I’m uncomfortable having sex when I am on my period. Let’s just cuddle tonight instead.”
Many people expect their partners to “just know” why they act as they do. Verbally explaining why you act as you do goes a long way toward mutual comfort and understanding.
Particularly when it explains one partner’s behaviour to the other, problem-solving goes a long way toward better sex,
Another main channel of communication about sex is letting your partner know what and exactly how you like sex. That could be verbal conversation, such as “I love it when you play with my nipples, but I would like you to be more gentle with them. They’re sensitive.” Or it could be direct but nonverbal communication, by taking your partner’s hand and moving it where and how you prefer and in what manner.
A partner may be enormously relieved if you have the courage to communicate. “Oh, now I see that it’s not that you didn’t like kissing. It’s only about teeth brushing!” Or “You’re not rejecting me and sex entirely. It’s that time of the month.”
If a couple is dating and she keeps refusing his advances, she may have to tell him her reasons straight out. “I have to tell you that my religion forbids sex before marriage. It’s not that I don’t like you.” Or “I never have sex before the fourth date.” Or whatever the truth is, even if it’s, “I’m just not sure yet. Please don’t rush me.”
A lack of good communication can lead to festering misunderstandings with your partner. “Why are you pouting? It’s not that I don’t like to do that. I don’t know how! Why don’t you show me how you like that. I would like it, too”
Clear communication may not always improve sex but it is certain to improve the relationship through clarification. If you watch TV sitcoms, you will see that not a single plot would work if one character simply told the other(s) what was going on, how they felt, or what they wanted.
In general, the more you communicate about your sexual preferences, the better your sex will be.