Attitude of gratitude

One of the first few important sentences most parents start teaching their toddlers as soon as they begin to grasp objects and talk is ‘thank you’.

These words, though just some simple two words, are so powerful. It is what these words can do in their simplicity that makes some parents and other caregivers insist that children learn them so early in life.

Saying ‘thank you’ does a whole lot of good, first to the one expressing gratitude. Expressing gratitude has immense physical and mental benefits that no pill can give. This is why helping children to recognise the ‘thank you’ moments is good training.

Overindulging parents who fall over themselves to please their children often do not mind how their children respond to their efforts. By this, they are doing them a disservice.

Later, they tend to share in the harm they supervised because they overlooked the development of this awareness. Growing up in primary school, my headmistress then, the late Mrs Esme Siriboe, observed that many of us quickly jumped out of the car when we were chauffeured to school without saying ‘thank you’ to our parents and other caregivers, including taxi drivers who brought us safely to school. She took us on seriously for our good.

Today

What we know today is that our brains are primarily designed to solve problems. This is why expressing gratitude does not come to us that naturally. When going through difficult times, it is easier to be so inward-looking that we become preoccupied with our own needs.

It will often take a deliberate effort to see beyond our discomfort and thank others for what they contribute to make our lives better. When we say kind words and express gratitude, our bodies release chemicals known as happy or love hormones.

These hormones are what we need as social beings to enhance our relationships. They trigger in us the desire to trust, empathise, have positive relationship memories, communicate positively and process bonding cues.

Being thankful improves sleep, mood and immunity. This is how the risks of depression and anxiety are reduced and chronic pain can disappear. A person has fewer risks of chronic diseases because of the feeling of love and happiness that these hormones bring at no financial cost.

Fact

Children can start learning to say ‘thank you’ as early as possible. However, the fact is that they are not capable of the kind of perspective taking that truly appreciates the sacrifice made or the kindness shown until around the age of four.

So, what they learn before that age is not a very genuine expression of gratitude but a learnt act which still benefits the child and recipients in fostering love and happiness.

By seven years of age, children become capable of making sense of complex emotions such as pride, jealousy and gratitude.

As they grow older, they begin to see better how much effort others may be making for their betterment and show genuine appreciation.

Facilitate
Parents and caregivers can facilitate their understanding and maturation by being themselves good role models.

Families can adopt the attitude of gratitude by modelling it and drawing the attention of children to how much time, energy or effort is being put into some kind of act for their sake.

When they reach that accountable age, they must be made to see what others sacrifice and how gratitude works. Talk about gratitude as a family and live it out as a family on a daily basis as part of everyday living.

There should be an overflow of thanks when we help one another whilst expressing it physically too by offering hugs and compliments. These help children to grow up well-adjusted and with a positive outlook that can drive them to be achievers.

The writer is a Child Development Expert/ Fellow at Zero-to-three Academy, USA.

E-mail: nanaesi_19@yahoo.co.uk