At the right hand of God, the Speaker

Haba! Parliament has disturbed my sleep today having decided again to go on break, or ‘adjourn’ at the poor tax payer’s expense.

The reason is embarrassing: there appears to be confusion as to who ‘sitteth’ at the right hand of ‘God,’ the Speaker.

Indeed we have sunk so low to have taken a decision that whichever party holds vigil, rushes to parliament at dawn, and occupies seats at the right hand of the Speaker shall automatically be called Majority.

It becomes a simple matter of first come… In that case, the left hand of God the Speaker belongs to late comers, the Minority, whose seating is automatically a custodial sentence.

This must have originated from the Apostle’s Creed, where a resurrected Jesus Christ ‘ascended into Heaven and ‘sitteth’ at the right hand of God the Father Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth, from there he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.’

That verse in the Apostle’s Creed has upset me from infancy, since being lefthanded I kept wondering whether I was born on the wrong side of God the Father.

Yet Ogyakromians have been obsessed with seating positions from time immemorial. In our teen years, a passenger’s first choice of seat on a commercial vehicle, especially the wooden ‘mummy truck,’ was often beside the driver, often called ‘one-man front.’

That was often your first class. Most of the time though the front seat was reserved for drivers’ concubines who being ‘world travelers,’ had pre-boarding privileges.

But it was also accepted that those occupying the front seat would arrive home ahead of all other passengers.

Same was the case at the chief’s palace, where it was thought a litigant who was the first to report a matter, was automatically  declared winner. In my wide village experience, the truth was to the contrary; and that complainants who rushed to the palace with longer strides,  ended up in handcuffs at sundown.

The village court had elders who were guided by laid down customary to  pronounce a verdict, and had no special passion for early birds.

I hope legislators who kept vigil and rushed to occupy the Speaker’s right side at cock crow are with me here.

Whoever invented the terms ‘Majority’ and ‘Minority’ did not anticipate the situation in Ghana’s 8th parliament, where the parliamentary status of a party could change at short notice because of near equal numbers.

A single person’s hospitalization or delay at the airport, could easily flip a Majority side to Minority, and vice versa. In our peculiar case where the Majority has permanent seating on the Speaker’s right side, it only means seating positions could change whenever an honorable legislator crosses the Chinese carpet in Ghana’s Parliament.

The situation is made worse by the date December 7, which is only tomorrow.
With elections pending in a few weeks followed by a new parliament, we ignore the reality that a newly earned title ‘Majority Leader’ may soon expire, or last only 24 hours.

The new Majority boss may celebrate his new title only to realize that December 7 has flipped his group back to minority.

Thus a voter buys an item at China Mall only to realize he has bought an expired Majority Leader, on whom caution has been written: ‘Expired: should be heated to certain temperatures before consuming.’

But short-term titles are highly cherished in Ghana. The new title ‘Chief Whip’ may be a welcome development even if it is about to expire;  also because a church elder may have prophesied that the said individual  will be ‘Majority Chief Whip’ before he dies. The temporary tag may therefore be in fulfillment of a prophesy.

One Speaker of Parliament in the early part of Ghana’s 4th Republic, set a record after he was sworn in as acting President in the absence of  the President and his Vice who were both away. As it happened, the presidential jet landed in Accra within a day of the swearing in.

The acting President was thus put on record as serving the shortest presidential term in Ghana’s history. But that was still great for his biography, particularly if he should accept a one-way invitation to join his Maker. In Ghana’s present situation, a souvenir picture labelled ‘24-Hour Majority Leader’ is all you need for a well-attended funeral.

Mr Speaker, let’s go back for old-fashioned titles other than the dysfunctional Majority/Minority labels. How about  ‘Party in Government,’ ‘Party in Opposition?’ In which case one can table a motion in  parliament even while squatting behind the Speaker.

Indeed let it not be said one day that the 8th Parliament of the 4th Republic led by Rt Honorable Alban Bagbin was inaugurated 2021 with fisticuffs over voting, and is winding up 2024 in fisticuffs over Majority seating. As it is now, our hallowed Parliament stands the risk  of being perceived as battle grounds for men of muscle, and the Speaker’s weakened garvel attracting the label of a ‘glorified  hammer.’