Are Dating Apps Helping or Hurting Our Love Lives?

Before dating apps existed, you had to go out of your way to meet someone new. You had to leave your house. You had to find the courage to talk to the cute stranger at the coffee shop.

But now with the popularity of dating apps, you don’t even have to leave your home to find your potential soulmate. All you have to do is download an app, create your profile, and wait for your new love interests to pop up on your screen. It makes connecting with someone new so simple, but is this simplicity really helping us?

After a nasty breakup last spring, I felt incredibly lonely and decided it was time to get back on the apps. I hadn’t been on them in years and was nervous to jump back in.

When you create your profile on dating apps, you’re curating an image of yourself that you want others to like.

You choose your best photos and list the interests you think other people will find endearing, leaving out the ones you worry will turn someone off. You create a person that is not entirely yourself by featuring what you think are your best traits.

That might sound harsh, but I’m as guilty of it as anyone else. Most of us don’t put our awkward, candid photos on these apps; we put up the ones we think make us the most attractive.

You often decide quickly when you choose someone on one of these apps. When you meet someone in real life, you can usually take more time to assess them before deciding how interested you are. You can focus on their body language. You’ll notice how they treat other people around you, which is a great indication of someone’s true character. You can look into their eyes and really see them, instead of looking at six photos for thirty seconds and deciding they might be the one.

It’s impossible to capture all that you are in these dating profiles, even if you try your best.

The highlights of ourselves and our lives do not always depict the truth. It’s not that we need to divulge everything about ourselves the second we meet someone new. But the problem is that so many of us feel uncomfortable being our true selves on these apps because we’re scared of being deemed undateable.

Dating apps are just another form of social media. You can gain a lot of access to a lot of people very quickly. You can see how hundreds of different people live their lives and decide that you want in on that life, too. And when one person doesn’t work out? There are a bunch of other people right at your fingertips. That is also another problematic aspect – the idea that someone more attractive might still be out there.

Of course, you should never settle if you are not truly happy.

But you shouldn’t stop pursuing someone you truly develop feelings for just to see who else you could possibly get. Dating apps supply us with endless options of potential partners, which can be both exhilarating and exhausting. It almost makes it too easy and too difficult to find someone.

However, I do think dating apps have benefits that can make some of their negative qualities worth dealing with. For instance, I have met some wonderful people through dating apps that I am certain I would never have run into otherwise. For us introverted folks, dating apps can help ease social anxiety and allow us to get to know someone before ever meeting in person. They can also be confidence boosters when a past partner has left you feeling undesirable. It is always nice to be reminded that there are more people out there for you to meet.

So, are dating apps helping or hurting our love lives? I think the answer is yes – to both questions. There are good and bad sides to dating apps. Ultimately, you need to make the best decision for you and where you’re at in your life. If you’re feeling burnt out on the apps, delete them for a while and see who you can find in the world. And if you want to meet someone new but are unsure how, download an app to be reminded of the endless possibilities waiting for you.