An Open Letter To My Future Husband

Dear future husband,

Isn’t it weird that I am writing this letter even though we haven’t met to talk about planning our happily ever after? Well, I’m hopeful we will meet soon and God will make all things beautiful in His time, but before anything I don’t want to sound like a commanding wife, I only want us to consider these decisions even before we meet.

Well, we can call this letter the full disclosure agreement before we meet and embark on a journey of a lifetime to annoy you forever but more importantly to become your better half, a wonderful wife, and a great mother to our children.

The purpose of this letter is to disclose some decisions I have taken to ensure that my family becomes the best with no tensions, hatred, pain, or curses. I know you will definitely come from a home of morals, diligence, and respect  but these notwithstanding, I still think it is necessary we adopt these decisions

To begin with, no extended family member is allowed to stay in our matrimonial home after our marriage. I know I might sound weird, but it’s in the best of our interest to stay together without interference from extended family members, in that sense we can get to know each other better and get to adjust to situations better.

Again, no visitor is allowed to stay more than one week in our matrimonial home or visit us without prior notice. To avoid familiarity and disrespect, no extended family member is allowed to stay more than one week on the grounds of visiting us and anyone who wants to visit us should send us a notice at least. Except in cases when I have given birth and even that is limited to only mothers-in-law, even in such cases their stay wouldn’t surpass a month.

In addition to the above, our children will never go and stay with anybody, be they family members or not. I have been a victim by chance, regardless of the situation at home, none of our children will go and stay with any family member not even for vacations. The world is evolving and from my perspective, I’ve heard many disheartening accounts from people who allowed their children to stay with friends and relatives, thus I wouldn’t want any such thing to befall our children.

Also, under no circumstances will you take me to my parent’s house or intentionally travel when it comes to my (our) pregnancy. Per the culture I was exposed to, I see situations where when a woman gets pregnant her husband sends her to her parent’s home until she delivers.  In some cases, husbands suddenly travel for whatever reasons. From the knowledge I’ve acquired so far, I believe that since it takes two to make a baby, we can stay together until the baby is delivered. Moreover, marriage has no “leave duration” and the pregnancy phase is supposed to be experienced by both parents. Well, maybe exceptions can be made when the husband has to travel for a pressing assignment but that shouldn’t be a reason for a prolonged absence from his matrimonial home. You must not leave your child when the child was a baby and return during the child’s teenage years.

Finally, divorce is not an option in our union, I am saying this because I know God will not allow me to fall into wrong hands to lead me astray. Also, I am learning the ropes of life to be able to compliment you for all your good deeds, but whilst I do my part, I expect you to also put in your best to be that husband God has ordained for me.

While I think I have sounded a little bit domineering, I want you to know that I am going to be a wife to you and you will have no regrets. But before everything, remember that it’s me, your future wife who is speaking here.  All your plans, expectations, and dreams still stand and we will do this together.

This piece is only advocating the independence of Newly-Weds and admonishing little or no interference in nuclear families by outside forces.

Children have been abused sexually, psychologically, and emotionally when they stayed with people outside their nuclear families.

Others have been maimed or eventually died as a result of maltreatment within extended families. Many children are suffering from depression. Out of these have been attempted suicides. Growing infanticide is partly attributable to domestic abuse and other forms of maltreatment at the hands of family members or step-parents. Our children must not be such victims.

My hope for us is that we meet soon and start planning our happily ever after as soon as possible. we will never stop having slow dances in the kitchen, always continue to laugh, and never stop holding each other. I hope that we are those old people in rocking chairs while our crazy grandkids run around laughing, singing, and full of joy, because being in our home and around our love becomes so contagious and overwhelming to others. And above all, I hope we never stop putting God first.

Yours faithfully,

Your Future Wife.