The Great Ghanaian Election Palaver: NPP and NDC in a Battle of Banku, Tilapia, and Corruption Sauce

Chale, let me shuffle the cards and deal you a new hand of this election wahala, with a side of kelewele humour and satire.

THE ECONOMY: NDC’S SECRET WEAPON

Oh, the economy! The NPP has handled it like a trotro driver with a faulty gearbox. The cedi is falling like rain in June, and that’s a big fat “F” for the NPP. Governance is all about the people’s well-being, and the NPP has dropped the ball like a waakye seller running out of wele. This is the NDC’s golden ticket to ride the election trotro.

CORRUPTION: THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Ei, the corruption talk! It’s like the NPP has been caught with their hands in the shito sauce. In 2016, Nana was sold to us as Mr. Clean, and Mahama was the big bad wolf. Now, the tables have turned like a ludo board, and the NDC is laughing all the way to the polling station. The NPP avoids the corruption talk like a vampire avoids gari, but it’s the NDC’s jam.

THE 8-YEAR ITCH: TIME FOR A CHANGE?

Some Ghanaians believe in the 8-year switcheroo like they believe in waakye and shito on a Saturday morning. It’s why Mahama was a one-term wonder, but the NDC got two terms. This time around, the 8-year itch is the NDC’s scratching post, and they’re ready to pounce.

FREE SHS: NPP’S TRUMP CARD

But wait, what’s that smell? It’s the NPP’s banku and tilapia—Free SHS! It’s going to win them some votes paa. If it doesn’t make Bawumia win, it will make the loss be like waakye and wele close to each other. The NPP has been smart—they’ve made Free SHS the centre of their campaign. It’s like they’re shouting, “Free education! Who wants some?”

THE COCOA FACTOR: NPP’S NEW BFF

And what about the cocoa farmers? Chale, they’re now the NPP’s biggest fans, like pepper and kenkey. Six months ago, they were just friends, but now they’re like kelewele and groundnut. And there are more cocoa farmers than grains of rice in a waakye pot. The cocoa sector is leaning towards the NPP like a trotro on a steep hill.

CHANGE? WITH MAHAMA? EI!

But, change? With Mahama? Ei, it’s like trying to sell an old trotro as a brand-new V8. His image has had a makeover, but it’s tough to sell an old face as the shiny new agent of change. People want change, but with Mahama, it’s like the NDC is trying to sell us yesterday’s waakye as today’s fresh jollof.

THE NPP’S ROADMAP TO VICTORY

The NPP just needs to nail it in Ashanti and Eastern Regions, play it cool in the Northern and Bono Regions, and they’re golden. It’s like they’re playing a game of draughts, and they just need to crown their pieces. The NDC, though, needs to conquer about 13-14 regions. It’s like the NDC is trying to herd cats, while the NPP just needs to keep their ducks in a row.

THE GRAND FINALE: WHO DEY WIN?

So, who dey win this election palaver? Ei, it’s like a game of ludo with a dice that doesn’t know its job. This election isn’t going to be a policy catwalk. It’s going to be a battle royale between Free SHS, the cedi’s rollercoaster ride, and the corruption wahala. There’s no clear winner here, folks. Depending on who you ask and when, you’ll get a different victor.

And listen up, NDC—don’t go popping the champagne just yet. Those polls giving you a landslide victory? They’re about as reliable as a trotro’s schedule. If the Free SHS cheer is loud enough, the NPP could win by a wider margin than the NDC by a landslide.

So, grab your popcorn and your groundnut, Ghana. This is going to be one heck of a show! Elections dey be keke, and this year, the kelewele dey hot!