I have three children with my ex-convict boyfriend but I don’t want to marry him

Should all relationships end in marriage even if cohabitation works for the partners? Does marriage make a relationship complete? A worried woman sent this to relationship expert David Papa Bondzie-Mbir

My dad’s company was expanding, and we needed labourers to weed on the new plot. A colleague suggested we contacted the prisons for them to use their inmates to do the job. An agreement was negotiated, and we had the prison inmates (over 15 of them) clearing the land.

Although their services had been contracted and paid for, I insisted our company supplied the men food and water. I went on-site regularly to check on progress, especially their feeding. And then our surveyor made certain suggestions that I thought wasn’t right, very debatable suggestions.

We were discussing it on the land when this inmate, who was weeding close to us came over to us to offer a fresh idea. He had been listening to our conversation, and kind of knew a better alternative. We loved his idea completely.

He further explained things to the surveyor to his surprise. The appropriate terminologies and jargons they both were exchanging to restructure the original plan for the expansion amazed us. Not only because he sounded intelligent, but he knew what he was about.

Dave, I believe you can conclude by now who the guy in my life is? He wasn’t my ideal what/who I wanted for a lover, but he was my almost perfect.

Three years older than me, nice look, cute smile, I liked him. I made inquiries about him and got to know he had two years more to serve, and then, would be released. I found him a lawyer to look into his case, and he was out of prison 14 months earlier.

The other problem was, he did not have a place to stay. He wasn’t comfortable with the idea of returning to where he was from. He wanted a fresh start. I took him in. A risk I may never advise anyone close to me to take. But I took it.

I have three kids for him already, and the fourth is on its way. My parents do not know about his background. They just love him for being my boyfriend and father to their grandchildren.

Only the surveyor and my lawyer friend know the details. And, I would want it to stay that way. Luckily for him, he had a degree in Management, and so I knocked on a few doors for favours and he landed a cool job. He’s achieved a lot for himself over the years.

He loves his children. He’s just perfect for them. Everything he does is for the kids and me. The way he loves me, David, I had never known such love existed.

Here’s the big problem, he’s asked me to marry him. This is his third marriage proposal to me. Not that I am not ready for marriage. marriage is just not something I am enthused about.

To him, ‘happily ever after’ means standing next to me at the altar. Dave, my definition of it is different. I feel I am already in my ‘happily ever after’ with him in our lives.
We have everything going on perfectly smooth for us.

We’re just not on the same page when it comes to marriage. He thinks marriage makes what we have completed. He thinks marriage would make people take us seriously. He’s also under pressure (I think from my mother and his friends) to make our union official.

Dave, what we have feels right to me. He loves what we have too. He’s just not comfortable with what people would think of him/us.

We have everything. We do not need money. We can take care of the children and their every need. We are at peace when we are home. We are in a monogamous relationship, even outside of marriage. He prides in being faithful to me.

I seriously do not know why he is allowing a piece of paper and ceremony to come between us. We enjoy our present status. We are free to be who we are, though we live in the same house. He’s not lost himself, neither have I.

Dave, I do not need a ring to validate anything. I do not need a different surname to upgrade my relationship status. We do not need these things to make us seem mature or important in society.

Marriage is nice. My parents and siblings and friends are all happily married, and it’s working out just fine for them. What I have with my fiancé is equally working out just fine for us.
He is now telling me if we do not marry, then we may as well call it quits. He is also assuming I may be ashamed of him because he was a former inmate. Would a woman sleep with a man she is ashamed of? Is he being fair to us?”