Letting Go in Life Is Never Simple

When my children left home after graduating from school, it felt like a bittersweet milestone—the end of an era. It was hard!

Friends and family offered well-meaning advice, reassuring me that I would adjust and that the kids would thrive (especially after surviving the first one leaving), but it didn’t ease the ache of watching them leave the nest.

Life is full of moments when we have to let go, even when every part of us wants to hold on tightly. Letting go is never simple, yet it is an integral part of our journey.

It is a universal experience that comes in many forms: the empty nest, ending a relationship, leaving a job, having to downscale, or realizing a dream is no longer attainable.

These moments challenge us to release our grip, but how do we do that when our hearts refuse to comply?

Understand the Power of Acceptance

Acceptance is the first step in letting go. It’s about acknowledging reality, even when it’s painful. Some things are beyond our control, and accepting this truth is a powerful act of self-compassion and courage.

A close friend of mine, after years of trying to make her marriage work, realized it was time to let go. She had invested so much—time, energy, love—that admitting it was over felt like a personal failure. But once she accepted that the marriage wasn’t serving either of them anymore, she found peace in her decision to move on.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with what’s happening; it means you recognize that it is happening and choose to face it with grace; grace for yourself and also grace for those around you who may not understand your personal journey.

It also means valuing yourself enough to stop seeking external validation and understanding that your worth is not defined by your circumstances or the approval of others.

Focus on What You Can Control

Lou Holtz, a former football coach, once said, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.”

When we’re faced with situations where we need to let go, it’s easy to feel powerless. But even in these moments, there are things we can control—our reactions, our mindset, and our actions. This shift in focus is a powerful way to reclaim our sense of self.

In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, psychologist Carol S. Dweck explains that having a growth mindset and being open to new possibilities can set you up for success. Your circumstances are things you can’t control, but you still have the power to control your attitude.

I work with women in leadership and many struggle with toxic work environments and feel stuck and miserable. Change happens once they realize that while they can’t control their coworkers’ behavior or the job’s demands, they can control their career path by applying for new, more suitable positions.

By focusing on what they can control, they take back their power and redefine their identities.

Embrace the Uncertainty

One of the hardest parts of letting go is the fear of the unknown. We often hold on because the future feels uncertain and scary but embracing that uncertainty can lead to growth and new opportunities.

Think of a time when you took a leap into the unknown – whether it was moving to a new city, starting a new job, or entering a new relationship. The uncertainty was daunting, but it also opened doors to new experiences and growth.

A fellow coach recently shared how she had left a stable job to start her own coaching business. The first few months were filled with doubt and fear, but looking back, she realizes it was the best decision she ever made. Embracing uncertainty allowed her to build something meaningful and fulfilling, reaffirming that our true identity is shaped by our courage to face the unknown.

In the same way, I now view my children’s departure not just as a loss, but as the start of a new phase for all of us. Instead of honing in on the loss, I focus on watching them grow and discovering new aspects of myself along the way. For me, this season means investing more time in art, writing and empowering others.

And allowing myself to empathize with the way I feel – with compassion and understanding. I give myself the space to change my reaction to my emotions and utilize that energy more effectively.

Letting go often leaves us with a void, and it’s tempting to dwell on what’s missing. But it also offers an opportunity to redirect our energy toward something new.

Whether it’s letting go of a relationship, a job, or a dream, each experience is a step on our journey of growth and self-discovery.

And through it all, we learn that we are not defined by external circumstances but by the resilience, wisdom, and inner strength we cultivate along the way.