Stay Aligned and Motivated When Life Changes

For a while, I was really on top of things. I was getting up at 5:20 AM five days a week to write, going to CrossFit four of those days, and meeting weekly with my coach to ensure my dreams, goals, and actions were all aligned.

But then we adopted a shelter puppy who threw my morning routine into chaos, the culture at my gym shifted drastically making it harder and harder to go, and I decided not to renew with my coach when our contract ended. It was the perfect cocktail for losing motivation and structure, and getting off track. I felt stuck.

I spent months trying to figure out how to get myself back to where I was, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed constantly. I lacked the very self-compassion that I’m continually reminding my clients to exercise; instead, I became increasingly annoyed with myself along the way. I tried different class times for CrossFit, attended different gyms, went swimming and biking instead of working out, gave the puppy stuffed bones and toys in the morning so I could write, and reached out to my old coach to get started with our sessions again. But nothing was sticking long enough to become a new habit or routine.

And then it hit me. I was going about it incorrectly. I was trying to replicate an old routine based on old goals. But my goals shifted, and my old routine didn’t serve my current ambitions. When I was on top of things, I was working on a book and needed to be writing most mornings.

My gym was a place of motivation and socialization. My days, weeks, and months were predictable with minimal travel. And my coach was helping me navigate a brand-new mindset.

But as in life, I grew and evolved, creating change in everything around me. I went from book writing to book promoting, and travel for work and fun became a regular part of my months. Our new puppy demanded my focused time and attention. None of this is bad, but I was labeling it as such.

I complained to my husband and friends, “I used to be so on top of things! What’s happened to me?” I was looking at my life through a rigid lens and realized that my problem wasn’t a lack of motivation or me getting off track; instead, I hadn’t yet adapted to my new goals and life circumstances.

Life is all about evolution and adaptability. We’re constantly in a state of change, whether we’re aware of it or not, and we need to be flexible. My writing routine no longer fit (and the old routine was no longer necessary), there were other ways for me to get exercise than CrossFit, and I was still very much working towards my goals. My goals had never been clearer (and I’ve got the spreadsheets to prove it). It wasn’t that I was stuck or off track, it was my mindset about everything that was creating the problems.

Once I realized my mindset was the issue, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

• I worked to shift my self-talk. I used to say: “I’ve really fallen off track.” “I used to be on top of things.” Now I say: “Working on my current goals looks different than previous months because my goals are different.”
• I asked myself how I wanted to feel about my current habits, goals, and routines (confident, optimistic, excited) and then thought about the kinds of thoughts I’d have in my head if I felt that way (“I put in effort every day to make progress.” “I’m doing what I need to do to move forward”). I wrote those thoughts down on sticky notes and placed them in places where I needed to see them.
• I made sure that my weekly and daily goals reflected my current larger goals to ensure that my actions were aligned with where I wanted to be going, rather than based on what I was trying to achieve in the past. In doing this, I realized that sometimes my weekly goals didn’t fit my current needs or dreams, which created feelings of frustration and overwhelm.
• I made a list of gains to help my brain understand how far I’ve come. My old goals and routine no longer fit because of the progress I’ve made. By listing out all the positive changes I’d made, it was easy for my mindset to shift out of an inaccurate and unhelpful one (I’m stuck) and into a new and more helpful one (I’m on a new track now).

Shifting out of an old mindset that’s no longer serving us can be a difficult thing to do. It takes self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-discipline. And no matter how experienced we might be in each of these areas, we still might find that an accountability partner or mindset coach can give us the added support we need. If you’re struggling with a mindset shift, find a trusted person in your life or hire a professional. It can make all the difference.