Gratitude Is Clearly Good for You, So Why Is It Hard to Do?

Experts have been talking about the benefits of gratitude for years, assuring us the practice can transform your life. It seems such an easy fix, but why is it so hard?

Gratitude is the state of being thankful. Recognizing and acknowledging the good things that happen in life results in appreciation. Gratitude, then, shifts one’s focus to the goodness in their life.

Gratitude is an affirmation of goodness. It does not mean that life is perfect. Gratitude works to encourage recognition of the sources of goodness as being outside of the self.

This requires an appreciation for the contributions of others and external events. In this way, it is an unselfish practice, as the focus of gratitude is on the world around us, on both people and activities—externalities—that are not ourselves.

The Benefits of Gratitude

The benefits of practicing gratitude are compelling. Positive outcomes have been identified in many areas. Physically, it is associated with lowered blood pressure, sounder sleep, fewer aches and pains, better relationships, and stronger immune systems. Psychologically, it is associated with greater optimism, happiness, alertness, and overall positivity.

Not surprisingly, gratitude can reduce the frequency and duration of depressive episodes. Socially, it is associated with more helpful, generous, and compassionate behavior, a tendency to be more forgiving, diminished feelings of isolation and loneliness, and better relationships. In the end, gratitude changes one’s perspective and reorients attention and focus on others and the world beyond.

Emphasis on the positives of life helps people notice what might otherwise be overlooked, while reducing negative emotions. By attending more to life’s blessings, gratitude magnifies the available pleasures. Rather than taking positive outcomes and events for granted, practicing gratitude celebrates goodness and, in the process, increases positivity and satisfaction.

Gratitude gives people a lens through which negative life events can be interpreted more fruitfully. Anxiety, depression, or negativism are limited in the face of appreciation for the many good things the world offers and bestows on us.

The 7 Challenges of Gratitude

The practice of gratitude is a strength that can be enhanced with effort and awareness. However, exercising gratitude is not always easy and can conflict with some core needs.

• Undermines the desire to control. Gratitude is at odds with our need to feel in control of our environment. Gratitude does attribute outcomes to our own behavior. When your little league player manages to catch a pop fly to end the inning and win the game, practicing gratitude means you can’t take credit by congratulating yourself on your parenting.
• Interferes with justifying outcomes. Gratitude does not encourage understanding positive outcomes as if they were somehow earned or deserved. It focuses on thanksgiving and appreciation for the positive elements that influence and reassure us. If your next-door neighbor sends a hundred-dollar gift to everyone on the block, you can’t link your good fortune with your kindness to him. It was based on his generosity to a larger group.
• Limits a sense of self-control. Gratitude minimizes our valuation of control and accepts that bad things can happen to good people as well as that good things can happen to bad people. Blame and pride are outside the reach of this model. For example, if a tornado hits your house, it’s not because someone in your home is deserving of punishment.
• Emphasizes the impact of external events. Gratitude focuses on the role of external events and the contribution of others. For this reason, it can interfere with the belief that you can consistently make things happen. For example, if oil is discovered under the family farm, your role in that outcome is largely insignificant.
• Requires minimizing negative emotions. Gratitude minimizes negative emotions that interfere with happiness, but this can be a challenge. You cannot be grateful and feel envy, resentment, or anger at the same time. For example, you cannot be grateful for your new home while simultaneously being envious of your sister-in-law’s house in the Hamptons.
• Challenges an “unlucky” self-concept. People can go through difficult periods and believe their life to be without the possibility of unexpected positive outcomes. Gratitude challenges that worldview, as it requires an emphasis on the potential for happiness. For example, a person who has lost a job and a parent at the same time can find it hard to believe that good things are likely to come their way.
• Demands persistence. For gratitude to be a successful catalyst in your life, it must be practiced consistently. It is all too easy to undertake a new program with enthusiasm and then lose momentum. Too often people begin a gratitude journal and list daily “grateful” events only to give up the practice after a week or two or an especially unsatisfying day.

The Practice of Gratitude

If gratitude is so obviously good for us, how do we achieve it?

Keep a “gratitude journal.” People regularly record the things for which they are grateful and maintain it over days and weeks—even months. Making a list of five things for which you are grateful every week, or five things you are grateful for every day are variations on this theme. A “gratitude letter” or a “gratitude visit” are other exercises that convey appreciation for someone specific in your life.

Look for everyday positives you may have previously overlooked. In considering what we are grateful for, those large and obvious life experiences and events often come to mind. One may feel grateful for a job, good health, parents, a best friend, or a longed-for vacation. While these experiences are important, the practice of gratitude can extend to simple everyday pleasures that often go unnoticed: a hug from a child, a smile of delight, laughter with a friend, sunshine in the trees, a gentle rain, or a walk through the neighborhood. These smaller, less obvious experiences are equally important and offer more numerous opportunities for appreciation.

Reach beyond yourself. Other more structured activities can also build gratitude and include volunteering, meditating, and experiencing nature. There is no right or wrong way or forum in which to build gratitude. I had a patient who spent 10 minutes every morning watering her flowers and considering the beauty of the natural world.

Gratitude should be practiced daily, if possible. A designated time that requires us to pause and be mindful of our blessings is key. Given the busyness of our lives and the demands of our day-to-day routines, it is far too easy to fail to stop and acknowledge our good fortune; however, practicing gratitude just a few minutes a day can eventually become a habit of mind, leading to a healthier, happier life.