Here’s What A Woman’s Drink Order Says About Her

Are you about to meet the love of your life or should you just Uber home? Well, here’s what a woman’s date night drink says about her:

Fancy Cocktail

She’s a high-maintenance girl and doesn’t give two shits about it, especially if you’re ordering at the bar and not from a table. Who cares that the bartender has 4000 other people to serve and negative zero time to do it? Let’s make a porn star martini instead! Bonus points if she returns the drink and demands that the bartender remake it. You made a terrible choice of venue.

Gin and Tonic

Her chances of returning that drink are fairly low. Unfortunately, so is her willingness to try out anything that isn’t new and hip. Current trends show gin is the perfect drink for someone who doesn’t normally drink but doesn’t want you to know that. It’s easy, straightforward, and doesn’t taste too sinful. Getting a G&T drinker to try anything adventurous is as likely as convincing a puppy to sit still for 5 hours. So, if a Plain Jane Hipster strikes your fancy, congratulations! You have met your match.

Jӓegerbombs

She’s a student, she has a death wish, or she doesn’t give a damn about impressing you tonight. Maybe all three at once. Check if she’s still wearing the access wristbands from a festival last summer for confirmation, but I’m pretty sure the drink choice speaks for itself.

Red Wine

The stereotypical red wine gal is always classy, poised, and just on this side of freaky. However, she also has a very low tolerance for bullshit. Serve her the wrong vintage? There will be hell to pay. She will never settle for a friends-with-benefits situation. If you even suggest it, she’ll dump an ice bucket over your head before you can say “Netflix and Chill.”

White Wine

If she’s sipping white wine, you’ll hear a lot of stories about her ex, his psycho new girlfriend, his even more psycho ex-girlfriend, and her back-stabbing former girlfriend. She read a few books on vulnerability… which she thinks means oversharing. Oh, and you will offend her when you don’t call her back. Buyer beware, sir.

Prosecco

“This is meant for celebrations, but fuck that shit! I’m special and you should celebrate me every day!” Listen, fizzy wines are a bitch to serve because once they are open, they will go off fairly fast. She is either hoping you’d get the whole bottle, or she doesn’t care if the bar is terribly inconvenienced.

Non-Alcoholic Drink

She got drunk this one time in high school, and the memory is so traumatic that she will never drink again… at least not in front of new people. Give her enough time, and maybe she’ll confess to liking hot wax and silk lingerie. Shame that she doesn’t get to enjoy it more often.

Sweet Shot

Is she old enough to even be in this bar? Of all the things she could order, she goes for tiny, hard-to-make mini cocktails that the bartender will hate her for and that she will be paying for in the gym for months to come. The only explanation is that she gets a kick from going to a bar with a person she barely knows and demands a “Kamikaze”, a “Blowjob”, a “Buttery Nipple” and an “Orgasm.” Har-har.

Beer

Some girls say they’re chill, but this one was born chill. Other dudes say she’s just one of the “bros,” but that’s probably because she hears them bitch about their girlfriends too much and so is immune to their nonsense. You can’t bullshit her, so stay on her good side by just being honest. If you can’t do that, this is not the girl for you.

Tequila Shot

She’s hilarious, but she’s not on a date. She is at a rave. Kindly stop trying to pick her up and let her girlfriends take care of her in the morning.

Whiskey

She can nurse this bitch for hours, and will not finish it until she is good and ready. Don’t play poker with her, because she’ll call your bluff. If you’re looking for a freak, this is your girl.

Rum

Superfreak. Also, you’re about to get into a bar fight. Better stay back and let her handle this. She’s an old pro.

Vodka Neat

She used to buy beer and cigarettes for her granddad as a child. Oh, and she will drink you under the table. Same thing if you’re chilling somewhere in the Balkans and she orders Rakia. The sort of stuff she usually consumes is too potent for a normal human to handle. Once you’re snoring away on the floor, she’ll walk out of the bar without a wobble in her step.

Health Smoothie
GTFO. Seriously, GTFO. Also, you picked a horrible place for a first date.

Regardless if she is a beer-guzzling bro or a sweet-shot drinker, what matters at the end of the day is whether the two of you have anything in common and enjoy spending time together. If she impresses you with her wits and charms, the contents of her glass won’t matter. The bartender will still judge you for it though.