Communicating With a Person in Crisis

Crises can strike people of any age, from stressed children who lash out in the classroom to senior citizens whose anxiety turns to anger. When someone is in crisis, communicating with them can feel challenging. Some things that usually feel natural, such as reasoning or mirroring their body language, may actually deepen the crisis.

However, communicating with someone during crises is far from a lost cause. With knowledge of verbal and nonverbal signals, plus safety tips, you can more effectively communicate with people experiencing crises.

Verbal Signals

Words matter, especially during a person’s crisis. Opt to make simple requests instead of trying to reason. Focus on what is happening now and in the near future rather than the past or events further out. Strive to keep your speech measured and simple. It can also be helpful to avoid placing any time constraints on the discussion as well.

Using Requests Over Reasoning

As a crisis develops, the upset person may temporarily lose the ability to reason effectively. Feelings can become their driving force rather than reason-based thinking. This means that trying to resolve a crisis through verbal reasoning will likely not be useful. Even something as seemingly benign as explaining the situation can instead inflame it.

Instead, a more productive tactic is using simple requests. Examples include asking the person to sit down, drink some water, or go on a walk.

However, avoid making direct or vague demands like “calm down,” or “relax,” as these may cause agitation. The goal is to keep your requests gentle, along the lines of, “Hey, let’s talk a little more quietly because we’re bothering people.” Also avoid using any kind of demanding or confrontational language, such as, “You need to sit down.”

Using Simple, Measured Language

For a person in crisis, language ability decreases in two ways. Expressing themselves becomes more difficult, as does comprehending and responding appropriately to what others say.

Therefore, when you’re talking to someone in crisis, do your best to simplify your language and pause regularly. These methods will help the person process and respond to your communication.

Keep in mind that agitated individuals may need more time than normal to answer, and pressuring them for a response may prove frustrating. Talking too fast and overloading the person with information, likewise, can be alarming. And if the person begins yelling, resist the urge to yell back as that will only raise tensions.

Lessening Time Pressure

Many crises have a common ingredient: The person experiencing the problem feels pressed for time. They may be worried about missing a bus, for instance, whether or not that’s likely to occur. Additionally, you yourself may be feeling pressure to get this situation under control as quickly as possible.

However, rushing the person can increase their agitation. Even if they actually are in danger of being late or you are feeling pressure, try to give the appearance that that’s not the case. Behaving as if you’re not in a hurry acts as a powerful calming tool.

Nonverbal Signals

Nonverbal signals are just as important as verbal ones for interacting with people in crisis. People in crisis become vigilant for signs of belligerence, so there is a heightened risk to send the wrong signal. But if you keep your nonverbal messages controlled, the situation will remain more manageable.

Staring

Staring is one nonverbal signal to be wary of. While it may feel normal to make eye contact in everyday conversation, if it seems like you’re staring at the person you’re trying to help, they may interpret that as a threat signal.

Completely avoiding all eye contact, however, can make you seem like you’re hiding something, so it’s best to make eye contact briefly when you talk and break it intermittently as the person talks.

Body Position, Distance, and Language

Be aware of how you’re standing in relation to the other person. Positioning yourself directly in front of them may come off as aggressive. When people are arguing or preparing to fight, they often turn to look at each other face-to-face, directly across from each other. That’s why getting right in front of someone may escalate a crisis.

It’s best to be somewhat to the side, with your shoulder toward the person, both of you facing in approximately the same direction.

Distance is another factor. People from different cultures may find different distances acceptable, but regardless of someone’s background, standing too close to them can signal to them that you’re a threat.

Your body language, too, may appear threatening unless you monitor it. For instance, people naturally mirror each other in conversation, so if the in-crisis person uses belligerent body language, you may unconsciously pick it up, too. Try not to mirror moves like aggressive gestures or taking steps forward.

Touch is a regular part of communication, especially when you’re talking to someone you know well. But when a person is in crisis, you generally want to avoid touching them. Agitated people usually do not like being touched, even if the intention behind the touch is to comfort.

The same rule goes for people’s belongings: Touching someone’s stuff may increase their anger. For instance, if you’re dealing with a disruptive student, grabbing their backpack will feel like an intrusion to them.

Signs That Your Approach Is Working

As you communicate with someone in crisis, some cues may signal that your approach is working. One is a shift back toward normal eye contact—that is, making eye contact for a moderate stretch of time, then taking breaks. When people are agitated, by contrast, they tend to avoid eye contact completely or maintain eye contact for a long time.

If the person begins to follow simple requests, it’s another sign that your communication is working. You can also pay attention to their tone of voice; the voice may become less aggressive as they calm down, and their vocal volume will begin to quiet. Movement speed slows, too, and people become more likely to sit instead of stand.

Keeping Yourself Safe

Regardless of how well your communication efforts are going, it’s important to keep yourself safe. Always position yourself in a manner that gives the other person plenty of personal space. This is both a calming measure and a way to distance yourself from potential harm.

Try to take a position that gives you access to an exit route. If the person approaches you aggressively, you’ll want to be able to back away, both for your own safety and to maintain your ever-important personal space.

Communicating Through a Crisis

Should you encounter someone in crisis, just remember to keep your actions calm, your speech measured, and yourself safe. Those are the keys to communicating in a crisis situation, helping both you and the other person move through it.