How Much Should You Spend on a Romantic Partner’s Gift?

Holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations provide opportunities for gift-giving, with a wide variety of greeting cards and notes available to accompany the offering.

But if you are in a new relationship, spending too much too soon may toss a wet blanket on a romance that is just heating up.

Overspending can create an awkward sense of obligation and discomfort for the recipient, who might wonder what he or she did to send the wrong message regarding their comfort level of romantic commitment.

On the other hand, spending too little can be a major turnoff and downplay the significance of growing feelings, even to the point of casting doubt on the romance. So where is the line?

Thankfully, research provides some information to guide your gift-giving.

Gifts Reflect Level of Commitment

One of the purposes of gift-giving is to maintain and solidify relationships. Asuka Komiya et al. (2019) found that romantic gift-giving serves as a signal of commitment. They explored the relationship between the frequency of gift-giving and divorce rate in the United States and Japan, testing what they referred to as the “commitment signal hypothesis.”

Examining the frequency of gift exchanges among married couples, they found that couples in the U.S., where there is a relatively high rate of divorce, were more likely to both give and receive gifts than in Japan, which has a lower rate of divorce.

They noted that this difference was not found with unmarried couples, which are in the process of continual relationship development, which indicates less partner permanence regardless of the divorce rate in the country.

In a second study, they found that Japanese couples who were married but had more relational opportunities were more likely to exchange gifts than those who did not. Together, Komiya et al. found that periodically exchanging gifts serve as indications of commitment in marriage.

What about before marriage? During the romantic relationship development phase, Komiya et al. cite research explaining that men can demonstrate their relational commitment by giving their girlfriends gifts that are costly but useless. They quote prior literature recognizing that common romantic gifts, such as flowers and candles, “do not increase a woman’s survival prospects as much as they reduce a man’s bank account.”

Gifts Reflect the Giver and the Recipient

Other research indicates the enjoyment of a gift reflects both the giver and the receiver. Biao Luo et al. (2019)[iii] found gift-recipient image congruence to have a positive impact on the level of appreciation by the gift recipient, while the impact of gift-giver image congruence on appreciation was insignificant or negative.

They found that recipient intimacy and relationship dependence tempered the negative impact of gift-giver image congruence and the positive impact of gift-recipient image congruence on the recipient’s level of appreciation.

The Gift of Time Is Priceless

One idea that avoids the price tag predicament, especially early in a relationship, is to offer your time instead. Most people would be delighted to receive a delicious batch of fresh homemade cookies, or a “gift certificate” of loving labor, helping with something your new romantic interest needs to be fixed or accomplished.

You can also give the gift of time spent together by sharing an experience, like dinner at a swanky restaurant or a picnic on the beach. But make sure you select a destination and activity that distinguishes your relationship from a friendship.

For example, tickets to a baseball game on Valentine’s day might be swinging too far afield, pun intended, unintentionally signaling disinterest.

However, you decide to balance your budget, thoughtfulness, and preparation often outweigh a price tag, because the gift of time is priceless.