7 topics you should never bring up on the first date

Navigating the choppy waters of first dates can be tricky. Sometimes, it’s hard to gauge what you should or shouldn’t discuss.

You might be tempted to bare your soul, thinking honesty is the best policy. But relationship experts suggest that there are certain topics that could end up sinking your chances instead of setting sail for a potential relationship.

In this article, I’ll share with you seven topics that you should steer clear from on your first date. These aren’t just my opinions, but valuable insights from relationship experts.

Let’s dive in and explore these conversation landmines you’d do well to avoid.

1) Past relationships

One of the most common pitfalls on a first date is talking about past relationships.

Yes, your dating history is a part of who you are, and yes, it’s shaped your perspective on love and relationships. But the first date isn’t the right time to dive into that deep end.

Bringing up exes can send wrong messages. It might seem like you’re not over them, or worse, that you’re comparing your date to them. Neither of these impressions paint you in a good light.

Experts suggest focusing on the present instead. Get to know the person sitting across from you. Their likes, dislikes, passions and quirks – these are the things that will help you build a connection.

Remember, it’s not about hiding your past, but about giving your present a fair chance. So steer clear of past relationship talk on that first date.

2) Political affiliations

Delving into politics on a first date can be a risky move. I know this from personal experience.

A few years back, I met a charming woman for dinner. The conversation was flowing smoothly until I thoughtlessly steered it towards politics.

Suddenly, the atmosphere became tense. We found ourselves at opposite ends of the political spectrum, and our friendly banter turned into a heated debate.

I realized then that politics, especially on a first date, can be divisive. It can create an environment of conflict instead of fostering understanding.

While it’s important to discuss such topics later in the relationship, it’s best to keep the first date light and enjoyable. The aim is to connect and find common ground, not highlight differences that might trigger arguments.

3) Financial matters

Money talk on a first date can be quite uncomfortable. It’s a topic that’s deeply personal and can easily lead to awkwardness or misunderstandings.

Did you know that a survey conducted by Ally Bank found that 70% of people think money is a stressor in their relationship? That’s a staggering percentage.

Bringing up salaries, debts, or financial goals on the first date may make the other person feel pressured or judged. It’s better to save such discussions for later stages when the relationship has developed a solid foundation.

Keep the conversation engaging and fun instead. Focus on understanding each other’s personalities and interests rather than financial status.

4) Negative life experiences

While sharing personal stories can create a sense of intimacy, delving into negative life experiences on a first date might be a bit too much.

Talking about personal tragedies, family conflicts, or even workplace drama can cast a shadow over an otherwise enjoyable evening. It might also give the impression that you’re carrying a lot of emotional baggage.

The goal of the first date is to create a positive and comfortable atmosphere. So, try to keep the conversation light and avoid discussing heavy topics. Plenty of time lies ahead for such discussions once you both feel more comfortable with each other.

It’s not about avoiding reality, but about fostering a positive first impression.

5) Marriage and children

I remember once, on a first date, I casually mentioned how many kids I’d like to have in the future. The guy’s face turned pale, and he struggled to find a response.

It wasn’t until later that I realized my innocent comment may have sounded like I was rushing things.

Discussing future plans for marriage and children can make the other person feel overwhelmed or pressured. It’s a big topic, one that requires a deep level of connection and trust, which is usually not present on the first date.

It’s better to focus on getting to know each other in the present moment. There will be plenty of opportunities to discuss future plans as your relationship progresses.

6) Personal insecurities

We all have our insecurities, but a first date isn’t the best time to lay them out on the table.

Discussing insecurities can create an atmosphere of discomfort and it may seem like you’re fishing for reassurance or approval. It might also give the impression that you lack confidence, which isn’t generally attractive.

Instead, try to present your best self on your first date. This doesn’t mean you should pretend to be someone you’re not, but rather focus on your strengths and positive traits.

In time, as the relationship grows stronger, you can open up about your vulnerabilities.

7) Criticism or judgment

The most crucial thing to remember is to avoid any form of criticism or judgment on a first date.

It’s not only disrespectful but also a surefire way to ruin the chances of a second date.

Whether it’s about their choice of outfit, their career, or their taste in music, steer clear of negative remarks.

Instead, focus on understanding them and showcasing your kindness and respect.

This will help create a positive atmosphere and lay the groundwork for a potential relationship.

Final thoughts: It’s all about connection

The ins and outs of first dates often boil down to one key element: human connection.

According to renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, building “love maps” or getting to know the world of the other person is crucial in successful relationships.

The first date is essentially the beginning of drawing out these maps. It’s an opportunity to explore each other’s worlds, to understand their likes, dislikes, passions, and dreams.

Avoiding these seven topics isn’t about being deceitful or inauthentic. Instead, it’s about creating a comfortable and positive atmosphere that fosters connection.

As you navigate the exciting yet nerve-wracking journey of first dates, remember that every person you meet has a unique world within them. And avoiding these topics simply gives you the chance to truly explore and appreciate that world without unnecessary distractions.

After all, in the grand scheme of relationships, understanding and connecting with your partner’s world is what truly matters.