7 things no one tells you about having sex for the first time

Every person’s experience differs, and there’s no one “right” way to have sex for the first time.

Having sex for the first time can be awkward and nerve-racking but in the end, sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable.

Take comfort in the fact that it most likely won’t keep being awkward and that no one can be great at something the first time they do it. Everything takes practice and sex is no different.

7 things you need to know about having sex for the first time

Let’s shine more light on some truths about having sex for the first time:

1. It might not be like the movies

Movies, TV shows, and sometimes even conversations with friends can paint an unrealistic picture of what to expect. The perfectly choreographed scenes you see in movies? That’s not how most people’s first times go.

Real-life first sexual experiences can be awkward, and that’s perfectly okay. There might be fumbling, nervous laughter, and pauses to figure things out together. This doesn’t detract from the experience; it makes it uniquely yours.

2. Communication with your sex partner helps a lot

One thing that’s often glossed over is the importance of communication. Talking with your partner about your feelings, expectations, and boundaries is necessary.

This dialogue doesn’t kill the mood—it enhances your connection and ensures both partners feel comfortable and respected throughout the experience.

3. Physical readiness doesn’t equal emotional readiness

Being physically ready for sex doesn’t automatically mean you’re emotionally prepared. You need to feel emotionally connected to your partner and confident in your decision. Don’t rush into it because of external pressures; make sure it’s what you truly want.

4. The first time might not be mind-blowing

There’s a lot of hype about how amazing sex is supposed to be, which can lead to high expectations for the first time. However, like any other first experience, it might not be earth-shattering, and that’s okay. Sexual pleasure and intimacy deepen with experience and understanding between partners.

5. Pain isn’t a given

There’s a common myth that sex always hurts the first time, especially for women. While discomfort is possible, pain shouldn’t be an expectation.

Prioritise foreplay, use lubrication, and go at a pace that feels right, as this can all help make the experience more comfortable. If you feel any pain during the act, stop and talk about it. The problem might be lack of lubrication or unease.

6. Protection and consent are non-negotiable

No matter what, protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy is non-negotiable. Equally important is mutual consent; both partners should feel wholly on board and free to change their minds at any point.

7. How you feel afterward can vary

People react differently after their first sexual experience. Some feel closer to their partner, others might feel indifferent, and some might experience a mix of emotions. These reactions are all normal. Give yourself time to process your feelings and don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust if you need to talk.