7 behaviors of people who grew up in an emotionally chaotic household

Growing up in an emotionally chaotic household can leave lasting marks on a person’s behaviour. It’s not always a walk in the park to identify these traits, but psychology has given us some insight.

By observing certain behaviours, we can better understand the impact of this emotional chaos. It’s not about blaming, but about understanding and empathy.

I’m going to share seven behaviours commonly observed in individuals who’ve grown up in such environments. These insights might help you comprehend their actions better and perhaps even guide them towards healing and self-improvement.

Remember, we’re not here to judge, but to understand and grow. So, let’s dive into those behaviours, shall we?

1) Emotional unpredictability

One of the most recognized behaviours in those who grew up in an emotionally chaotic household is emotional unpredictability.

It’s like a roller coaster ride where emotions fluctuate rapidly, often without any apparent trigger.

This unpredictability can be quite exhausting for the individual and those around them.

One moment they may be calm and composed, and the next instant, they could be overwhelmed by anger or sadness.

Why does this happen? Well, growing up in an emotionally chaotic environment, they’ve learned to react to their emotions instead of managing them.

As esteemed psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

This quote highlights the importance of learning and adapting as a part of personal growth.

And in this context, it speaks to the idea that individuals with this behaviour need to unlearn their old emotional habits and learn healthier ways to deal with their feelings.

It’s not an easy journey, but understanding this behaviour is the first step towards change.

2) Hyper-vigilance

Another behaviour that’s common in people who grew up in an emotionally chaotic household is hyper-vigilance.

This is a state of constantly being on high alert, ready to react to any sign of threat or danger.

I remember a friend I grew up with who was always jumpy, and never fully relaxed.

Even in calm situations, she would be constantly scanning her environment, always on the lookout for potential issues. It was as if she was perpetually expecting something bad to happen.

This behaviour, psychologists say, is a survival mechanism developed in response to growing up in an unpredictable environment.

As renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

For my friend, stepping back into safety meant being hyper-vigilant. She was stuck in this survival mode because it was what helped her navigate her emotionally chaotic home.

But as Maslow suggests, stepping forward into growth is about breaking free from these patterns and learning new, healthier ways to feel safe.

3) Difficulty in forming meaningful relationships

Have you ever been around someone who just can’t seem to let people in?

They might have difficulty forming deep, meaningful relationships because they’re constantly afraid of being hurt.

Growing up in an emotionally chaotic environment often means unpredictability, unreliability, and sometimes even betrayal.

The people who should have been the most trustworthy figures in their lives often weren’t. And this can leave lasting scars that affect their ability to trust others.

As the famous psychologist Erik Erikson stated, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

This quote captures the essence of what these individuals may struggle with.

They understand the importance of relationships, but their past experiences can make it incredibly challenging to form them.

But acknowledging this struggle is a significant step towards healing and learning to build healthier relationships.

4) Fear of confrontation

Another behaviour often seen in people who grew up in emotionally chaotic households is a fear of confrontation. They tend to avoid conflict at all costs, even when it’s necessary.

This behaviour is often rooted in past experiences where confrontations led to explosive arguments or even violence. Therefore, avoiding conflict becomes a protective mechanism.

A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that children who grow up in high-conflict homes often develop an aversion to confrontation as adults.

They carry this fear into their personal and professional lives, which can lead to difficulties in addressing issues directly.

Overcoming this fear is not easy, but it’s crucial for building healthier relationships and leading a more balanced life.

It’s about learning to communicate effectively and assertively, without resorting to aggression or avoidance.

5) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another trait that’s common in those who grew up in emotionally chaotic households.

The drive for perfection can be relentless, often leading to extreme stress and anxiety.

I had a colleague once who would spend hours refining a single email to a client. She was so afraid of making a mistake that she’d lose sleep over it.

That fear was rooted in her upbringing, where mistakes were met with harsh criticism.

The renowned psychologist, Carl Jung, once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

This quote resonates deeply with those who struggle with perfectionism.

They’re often so consumed with the fear of making a mistake that they struggle to accept themselves as they are, flaws and all.

Understanding this behaviour can be a stepping stone towards self-acceptance and reducing the grip that perfectionism can have on one’s life.

6) Over-responsibility

Over-responsibility might sound like a positive trait at first. After all, who wouldn’t want to be responsible? But when it becomes a compulsion, it can lead to stress and burnout.

People who grew up in emotionally chaotic households often take on responsibilities beyond their years as children.

They might have had to take care of younger siblings or even their parents. This can lead to a habit of shouldering more than their fair share of responsibility, even in adulthood.

As the influential psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”

While this quote might sound bleak, it highlights the burden that over-responsibility can place on individuals.

Recognizing this behaviour can be the first step towards setting healthy boundaries and sharing responsibilities more equally.

7) Low self-esteem

Finally, low self-esteem is a common trait among those who grew up in emotionally chaotic households.

The constant uncertainty and emotional turmoil can lead to feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt.

As Albert Bandura, a renowned psychologist, once said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet life’s inevitable obstacles.”

Understanding this struggle with self-esteem is an essential step towards building resilience and fostering a stronger sense of self-worth.

Final reflections

The behaviours we’ve explored, borne out of growing up in an emotionally chaotic household, are not definitive labels or life sentences.

They’re simply patterns, learned responses to challenging circumstances.

Understanding these behaviours is the first step towards fostering empathy, not only for others but also for ourselves.

It’s about recognizing the impact of our past on our present and using that understanding to shape a healthier future.

Change may not happen overnight. It’s a journey that requires patience, compassion, and resilience.

But with awareness and understanding, we have the power to break away from these patterns and chart a new course.

As you reflect on these insights, remember that everyone is fighting their own battles, often hidden beneath the surface.

The more we understand, the more compassionate we can become – to ourselves and to others.

So let’s keep learning, growing, and supporting each other on this journey towards healing and self-improvement.