3 Questions to Help Conquer Fear and Feel More Alive

Are there things you would love to do, see, and accomplish but that you fear embarking upon? This could include meeting new people, going on a date, strolling a new neighborhood, trying new food, riding in a hot air balloon, starting a new vocation, or going on vacation by yourself.

First, let’s make one thing clear: Don’t blame yourself for not leaping forward and taking risks.

The ancient, risk-averse part of the brain may be to blame. In fact, scientists have found there’s a neurocognitive development of risk aversion that occurs throughout the lifespan.

Children and adolescents will take more chances, but as adults, the decision-making brain circuitry changes.

That’s all helpful context. Still, how do you know when trusting your authentic self means taking a chance and stepping into the great unknown? Sometimes, you need to manually override the circuitry that may be keeping you safe, but stuck and unfulfilled.

Fortunately, mindfulness has been shown to help calm fears by connecting you with the present moment. By calming yourself down and then asking some important questions, you can create new pathways in your daily routine, if not your life.

First, it can help to realize that your fear and worry circuit is there to keep you safe. But you can assess your fears in a fresh way, even if that means accepting failure as a learning experience. After all, learning is simply a process of missing the target and then re-adapting.

3 Questions for Overcoming Fear and Doubt

Use this practice—adapted from my book Simply Mindful Resilience: 101 Mindful Ways to Build Resilience—to fortify your courage and safely carry you to new fulfilling activities.

• Begin by taking some nice calming breaths to get you into the present moment. Now, write down specifically whatever it is you would like to do, but avoid doing it because of worry or fear. For example, “I would like to….”
• Ask yourself the following three questions: What is the worst thing that could happen if I tried this? What is the best thing that could happen if I tried this? What is the most realistic thing that would happen if I tried this?
• Visualize your new activity. In your visualization or mental rehearsal, picture yourself doing the activity—and doing it successfully and enjoying it.
• Schedule a time and day to undertake this new activity. Put it in your day planner or calendar.

If it helps, find someone to join you in your adventure. Let go of all assumptions. Experience the moment as it unfolds. Don’t worry about the outcome because this is about the process of trying something new. That in itself is a success!

Conclusion

Don’t give up after one try. You are creating a new circuitry that will reshape your fear and doubt of trying something new. Share your experiences and excitement with someone you trust. Even if you take little steps toward your goal, you will be moving forward to what you find authentically fulfilling. And remember: You deserve this!