21 Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship With A Grown Man

According to The Big Lebowski, a man is someone who is prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost, who also has a pair of testicles.

I’d say this is a fairly accurate definition of A Man, referred to as “Grown Man” to differentiate him from The ‘Man-child” currently plaguing society, the existence of which is unquestionable when we consider “adulting” is a real verb people use regularly.

So, if you’re dating a grown man, congratulations! If you aren’t sure, you’ve probably answered your own question, but read on anyway to learn about relationship advice, and whether or not you and this man can have a healthy relationship.

Disclaimer: I’m not discussing masculinity, so let me preemptively tell the haters to back off. Also, let me preemptively add that, yes, all of this applies to a “real woman” too.)

21 signs you’re in a healthy relationship with a grown man:

1. He picks his battles.

A grown man will let trivial matters go, understanding that most matters are. He won’t allow his ego and a stubborn preoccupation to be “right” to overshadow the relationship because nothing is a big enough deal to waste precious time squabbling over.

2. He does his own laundry.

And he’ll do yours, too. He’ll also pick up after himself because he understands that A) he is no longer a toddler, and B) is not living with his mom. Hopefully.

3. He isn’t afraid of your period.

If the dude reacts to the sight of your blood with disgust or if he has any hang-ups with running out to get you some tampons, it’s time to run, leaving nothing but a bloody trail in your wake.

4. He’s nice to waiters.

A grown man can be gleaned via the Waiter Rule — if a dude is rude to service people, it’s time to leave. Dump your plate of food in your purse if you must — that steak ain’t gonna eat itself.

5. He can debate ferociously without taking it personally.

He doesn’t resort to name-calling; instead, he’s able to listen calmly, internalize thoughtfully, and respond with an enthusiastic counterpoint.

6. He’ll go shopping with you.

This isn’t to say he’ll come galloping out the door every time you suggest a trip to the mall. But he’ll come along to keep you company every now and then if you ask him to because compromise.

7. He’s not immune to change.

Quite the opposite. A grown man will not only embrace change, but he’ll also seek it. He understands that without it there is no growth or progress, a notion that scares him more than that of “change” itself.

8. He does what he says he’s going to do.

A grown man is a man of his word. He’s reliable. He understands a broken promise reflects on him as a person.

9. You don’t have to worry about him in a room full of strangers.

A grown man doesn’t need his handheld in a room full of your brand new coworkers. Social anxiety disorders aside, he’s able to strike up and carry a discussion with any human, regardless of age or any other factor inconsequential to a good conversation. This also means your parents when you aren’t around.

10. He wears matching socks.

Well, 90 percent of the time, at least.

11. He owns more than one pair of shoes.

He’s got, like, 3, at least.

12. As long as we’re sartorially focused, he wears clothing that fits his body.

This is important.

13. He doesn’t write a Facebook post on how he just fixed the brakes on his car.

He knows nobody cares. He also doesn’t post a lot of selfies, but the ones he chooses to share have some cool things going on besides his face. Social media is just a vehicle for an ego boost after a certain point, and grown men don’t need their egos stroked by a bunch of semi-friends.

14. He has a job and his own transportation.

Self-explanatory. Also, health insurance.

15. He excites you in the bedroom.

Also self-explanatory.

16. He knows the difference between fast food and real food.

Dude doesn’t have to be a master chef, but a grown man can make, like, two decent meals, and a burger counts. Also, no Lunchables. A grown man does not buy and eat Lunchables. He isn’t above accepting a free Lunchable, and you shouldn’t be either.

17. He’s interested in things.

A grown man’s got hobbies. Hobbies that have nothing to do with you or drinking.

This is an imperative cog in the machine that is a successful relationship because the only way to keep it successful is to live two separate lives that jive really well as one — not to live one life, together, doing all the same stuff, day in and day out.

18. He doesn’t lie.

Unless it’s warranted. I’ll let you decide what that means.

19. He tries to communicate properly.

The main word here being “tries,” since communication is a vast and oftentimes baffling sea that is rarely completely calm and storm-free. That is, he tries to discuss his feelings without fearing emasculation.

He tries to cope with stressful life situations proactively instead of reactively. Oh, Lebowski also said, “strong men cry.”

20. He has read a book for pleasure.

At least one!

21. He knows your name is not Susan.

Not applicable to Susans.