11 Things Truly Intelligent People Never Complain About, According To Psychology

Academic and professional successes aside, a key part of intelligence comes from a person’s attitude and how they see the world, which is why there are certain things truly intelligent people never complain about.

Their view of the world and their place within it comes from a place of compassion and understanding, not competition or a scarcity mindset, which allows them to cultivate an optimistic outlook.

We often think of intelligence as a fixed trait: you’ve either got it or you don’t. In reality, it’s not that simple, and there are different types of intelligence that impact different parts of our lives. Some types of intelligence are measured with standardized tests or a person’s ability to follow unspoken social rules. The markers of true intelligence go beyond grades in school or knowing the correct answer to a question.

Here are 11 things truly intelligent people never complain about, according to psychology

1. Their past mistakes

Truly intelligent people never complain about mistakes they’ve made in the past. They acknowledge what they’ve done wrong, but they don’t define who they are now by those errors. Truly intelligent people see their past mistakes as necessary steps to success. They analyze their actions and hold themselves accountable to not making the same mistakes twice, so that whatever they did wrong serves as a learning experience.

According to research published in the Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, our brains have a built-in mechanism that acts as an “early warning signal” to help us avoid repeating mistakes we’ve made in the past. Researchers from the University of Exeter found that this mechanism reacts in 0.1 seconds to alert us to things that led us to making previous mistakes.

“It’s a bit of a cliché to say that we learn more from our mistakes than our successes,” psychology professor Andy Wills says. ‘But for the first time we’ve established just how quickly the brain works to help us avoid repeating errors.

Truly intelligent people know that they can’t change the past, no matter how much they ruminate on things they’ve done wrong. They understand that the best path forward is to shift their actions and reactions, while offering themselves grace for past mistakes.

2. Other people’s achievements

Truly intelligent people never complain about other people’s achievements. They separate their individual self-worth from other people’s successes, because they know that falling too deep into the comparison trap will only make them feel bad about themselves. They recognize that someone else’s win doesn’t automatically mean they lose. When people judge themselves according to what others have, they get stuck in a scarcity mindset. They focus on what they lack rather than what they have, which leads them away from gratitude toward envy.

YourTango’s 2023 Comparison Culture Survey defined the concept of comparison culture as “a societal phenomenon in which individuals habitually engage in the practice of constantly measuring themselves, their achievements, possessions, and life circumstances against those of others.”

• 73% of people polled reported a link between Comparison Culture and depression or other mental health challenges.
• 51% said they compare their finances with other people, more than other aspects of their lives.
• 21% of respondents said they compare themselves to others in unhealthy ways on a daily basis.

While comparison can be self-destructive, it’s also a routine part of human nature, as psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren pointed out.

“Social comparison is a very natural human tendency,” she explained. “What I think is important to highlight is that it is natural to compare yourself to others, and the consequences of those comparisons can be helpful/adaptive or harmful/maladaptive.”

“The goal is not necessarily to stop comparing (because I’m not sure that is a reasonable possibility) but to ensure that the way you compare yourself to others is accurate and helpful (as opposed to distorted or harmful),” Dr. Warren concluded.

Truly intelligent people might measure themselves against others, but they don’t let those comparisons derail them. They know that everyone has their own path, one they walk along at their own pace. Another person’s success doesn’t block them from achieving their own version of success. Truly intelligent people focus on self-growth instead of jealousy, because they know that’s what will ultimately lead them to win.

3. Waiting in long lines

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Waiting in long lines is something truly intelligent people never complain about. They mentally prepare themselves for things like going to the DMV or grocery shopping before a big holiday and they accept that waiting in line is part of the process. They might feel frustrated, but they don’t complain, because they’re aware that complaining puts them in a bad mood and it doesn’t make the line move faster. Truly intelligent people never complain about long waits, instead, they use that time to practice patience.

An article in the Journal of Positive Psychology defines patience as “the propensity to wait calmly in the face of frustration or adversity.” The researchers placed patience into three categories: interpersonal patience, life hardship patience, and daily hassles patience. They note that having patience is positively correlated with subjective well-being, positive coping, and thriving throughout life. Being patient influences whether people reach their goals, as having deeper wells of patience to draw from allows them to push past adversity and any challenges that arise on their way.

While standing in long lines feels like a waste of time, truly intelligent people understand that it’s an unavoidable part of living around other people, and everyone, including the DMV clerk, is doing the best they can.

4. Getting stuck in traffic

Getting stuck in traffic is another thing truly intelligent people never complain about. Much like standing in line, sitting in traffic is one of those experiences that can make someone’s blood boil, but truly intelligent people take a “live and let live” perspective on the issue. They understand that traffic is an unavoidable part of modern existence, so they put their precious mental energy toward other things.

Whether they’re commuting to work or taking charge of their kids’ endless extracurricular carpool, being in the car is often the only true alone time that people get. Travel is rarely as simple as getting from one point to the next. There can be unforeseen circumstances, like construction or an accident or a family of ducks that decided to roost in the middle of a crowded intersection.

Truly intelligent people take these detours as time for being with themselves. They reflect on their day, they let their imaginations wander. They listen to podcasts and learn something new. They play music that brings them joy, until the traffic jam goes from being an inconvenience to an opportunity for a one-person dance party in the front seat.

Truly intelligent people accept that most journeys, both literal and figurative ones, will take more time than they initially expected, so they release any expectations and just enjoy the ride.

5. Their own imperfections

Truly intelligent people never complain about their own imperfections. They’ve learned to release any expectations of perfection, since it’s an unreachable standard that only causes distress and damage to their self-esteem.

Psychologist Dr. Judith Tutin outlines why being perfect doesn’t make anyone happier. When people are rigidly attached to the idea of perfection, “Self-criticism and shame go with the territory — you think you’re imperfect, it’s your fault because you’re not good enough, and you’re a bad person. You avoid situations where you might make a mistake or misstep, so you never try anything new. You don’t let anyone know when you make a mistake because it would be too shameful.”

“Loving yourself with limits is the furthest thing from unconditional,” she explains. “You are more than your wins. Failure makes us human, and talking about failure allows us to get the support we need and increases our empathy toward others.”

Truly intelligent people accept themselves fully, which means accepting that they’re flawed. Perfection isn’t a realistic goalpost by any means, which is why truly intelligent people strive to be the most compassionate version of themselves, instead.

6. Negative feedback

It might not be easy or comfortable to hear negative feedback, but it’s something that truly intelligent people never complain about. They accept other people’s critique gracefully, because they know that negative feedback doesn’t define them. Truly intelligent people believe in their inherent self-worth, so they understand that doing a bad job on a specific task doesn’t make them bad, by any means.

They see feedback for exactly what it is: a message on how they can improve and grow. During a lecture at the 2019 annual convention for the Association for Psychological Science, psychology professor Carol Dweck discussed how two varying theories of intelligence can hinder or encourage learning new things.

People with a fixed mindset see their intelligence and intellectual capabilities as static entities, meaning they’re either smart or not, and nothing they do can change that. Someone with a fixed mindset has an end-goal of looking smart, which influences their approach to learning. They don’t take on challenging subjects or tackle hard assignments because they think having to work hard means they’re not actually smart. They’re more focused on being right than learning anything new, which means they’re deeply scared of making mistakes.

In contrast, people with a growth mindset believe their abilities and level of intelligence can be developed over the course of their lifetime. They put concentrated effort into learning new skills, because they know that trying things out and making missteps is how true learning happens.

Truly intelligent people aren’t scared of negative feedback and they don’t complain when they receive it. Rather, they thank the other person for sharing, and set their sights on improving themselves.

7. Mundane tasks and chores

Another thing truly intelligent people never complain about is doing mundane tasks and household chores. Sure, there’s a million other things they’d rather be doing than scrubbing the bathroom sink or folding laundry, but they see value in the routine these tasks provide. They know there’s no magic cleaning fairy or an especially helpful elf that will run to the post office for them. Mundane chores are an unavoidable part of life, and truly intelligent people don’t let themselves get caught up in any negativity by complaining about them.

Truly intelligent people also know that having a clean, organized home will help them be as productive as possible. Getting their chores checked off sets them up for success, as researchers at the Princeton University Neuroscience Institute discovered.

Being in a cluttered environment restricts people’s ability to focus on the task at hand and limits their cognitive processing. Trying to get work done at a desk covered by papers, half-empty coffee mugs and discarded orange peels is much harder than working in an organized and uncluttered space.

Truly intelligent people get their chores done on a regular basis, because they’re fully aware that their brains work better when there’s less mess.

8. Outside opinions

Truly intelligent people never complain about the opinions other people have about them. They understand that being a person in the world means that not everyone will agree with them or even like them, so they release their need to evaluate themselves based on external factors.

Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Pria Alpern describes a “core internal conflict” that comes up in her practice: The issues that arise with seeking external validation.

“We live in a culture where we are preoccupied with what other people think of us,” Dr. Alpern explains. “So much so that the fear of being judged and the need to avoid shame can shape our behavior, because we all want to belong.”

“The problem arises when we find ourselves sacrificing things based on how we anticipate others will react. And that’s where it gets tricky, because then we start making decisions and live our life based on the anticipation of others’ reactions,” she continues.

“The reality is, we can’t always predict what others will think of us. In fact, what others think about us may have nothing to do with us,” Dr. Alpern concludes.

“Caring excessively about what others think of us can have detrimental effects on our mental health,” she explains. “When we prioritize external validation over our own values and beliefs, we relinquish control of our self-esteem and happiness to others. This often leads to anxiety, low self-esteem, and a constant need for approval.”

9. Unexpected challenges

Truly intelligent people never complain about unexpected challenges that come their way. They know that life’s journey is anything but smooth, and they recognize that facing challenges helps them to grow into their most authentic selves.

Psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren describes authenticity as “being true to yourself and acting in a way that reflects your core sense of self.”

She notes that living authentically has been proven to be positively correlated with life fulfillment and psychological well-being.

“Truly exploring who we are throughout our lives and acting accordingly can be daunting,” Dr. Warren acknowledges. “Becoming authentic means being open to new information about yourself. Each day, take time to observe your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.”

Having a strong understanding of your core values lets you align your actions with your intentions, and knowing that part of yourself takes deep self-reflection and the willingness to ask yourself hard questions and hear the answers that resonate most with you.

“Many of these situations are difficult, they also offer you a profound gift— the ability to become more authentic,” Dr. Warren concludes.

10. The passage of time

Another thing truly intelligent people never complain about is the relentless passage of time. They don’t dwell on the past or fear what the future holds. They stay present, which is no easy feat, yet it’s something that allows them to live fully, without being overwhelmed by regret and anxiety.

Truly intelligent people engage in mindfulness as a way to navigate their emotions. The Gottman Institute describes mindfulness as the “skill of remaining open and receptive to the present moment.”

They note that being mindful allows people to regulate their emotions, which helps them know themselves better and connect to other people on a deeper level. Being attuned to their emotions lets truly intelligent people express how they feel with honesty and self-compassion. They don’t bury difficult feelings, rather, they face them directly. They take deep breaths and pay close attention to the way their bodies respond, which provides space for tough emotions to move through them.

Having a mindfulness practice lets people be more in touch with themselves in the exact moment they’re in. It gives them a profound sense of gratitude for what they have, which carves a pathway toward fulfillment.

11. Other people’s habits

Truly intelligent people never complain about other people’s habits, as long as those habits aren’t causing active harm. Truly intelligent people fully accept that everyone has quirks. They know that complaining doesn’t lead anyone to change who they are.

They might be annoyed by their partner’s tendency to leave their socks crumpled in weird places around the house, but they’re also aware that the sock scavenger hunt is only a small part of who their partner is. They love people because of their inconsistencies and habits, not in spite of them, which allows them to focus on having truly meaningful relationships with the people they care about.